


Tobirama’s Misadventures in an Alternate Universe

by Shadow_Bringer



Series: MadaTobi Week Prompts [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - dimension hopping, Hashirama’s dead, I promise, M/M, Madara will show up, Mostly when it comes to Madara, No one can resist Tobirama’s charm, Slow Burn, Snow leopards, Tobirama “I adopt every child I come across” Senju, Unreliable Narrator, eventually, no one - Freeform, sometimes, they make common appearances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 20,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Bringer/pseuds/Shadow_Bringer
Summary: Tobirama goes up against Kinkaku and Ginkaku to save his students expecting to die. What he doesn’t expect is waking up again. On top of that, it can’t even do him the solid ofbeing the same universe.———2018, July 30th, 2nd DayAlternate UniverseOR Office Shenanigans
Relationships: One sided Tobirama/OC, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara, pre Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: MadaTobi Week Prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721632
Comments: 734
Kudos: 1160
Collections: why im sleep deprived 💖✨, wwwwwww





	1. Chapter 1

Tobirama wakes to bird song and wind through the leaves. This wouldn’t nearly be half as surprising if he hadn’t been killed by the Gold and Silver Brothers, last time he was awake. It takes more time than he’ll ever admit to realize that he’s not where he was killed. In fact, he’s clear on the other side of Fire Country, right on the border.

He’s also not in his usual armor but rather a light weight alternative made more for quick, in and out assassinations than frontline battle. His happuri is missing, as well, which means his hair is left to drip in front of his face in an eternally annoying way.

Then there’s the strange chakra clinging to his, more plant-like in nature than even his Anija’s had been. He frown and begins to pull and push insistently at the strange chakra, aiming to remove it via drowning (or the chakra equivalent of such). He stifles a hiss of pain when the foreign chakra strikes out, sending a sharp, piercing pain through his head and chest. Something he’ll have to work slowly at, then, instead of just rushing through. He reaches his chakra out towards Konoha, searching for his students and hiraishin-

-only to flinch back at the fiery, overwhelming nature of Uchiha Madara’s chakra and, beside it, Uchiha Izuna.

Well, considering only _he_ knows anything about Edo Tensei (and he can’t even get the damn jutsu to _work properly_ ), he’s going to assume something has gone _very_ wrong. Wrong as in accidentally-dropping-himself-into-the-wrong-universe. Now that he’s figured out this much, the next thing to ask is _how._ And, of course, his alternate self’s status in this world.

(Is his alternate self now in his original body? If yes, he’s dead. If no, was he killed when Tobirama was shoved into this body?)

Tobirama searches himself for any clue he can get. Konoha’s symbol is missing from all of his new supplies, as is the symbol of the Senju.

Madara and Izuna’s chakra pulls insistently at him. He has a bad feeling about this. Where is this version of his brother?

He has only a few hiraishin kunai and markers scattered sparingly across his chakra sense in a nonsensical pattern that seems designed more for easy escape than the easy defense of one particular location. Several of these markers are on the other side of the border, in Kawa, and even a few lingering on the edge of his senses in Suna and Ame.

His mind returns, again, to the very much alive Uchiha brothers and his own missing brothers.

His alternate self, as far as he can tell, has abandoned Konoha.

He and Madara have switched fates, he realizes with a sinking feeling. He would ask why him and not Hashirama but the answer is obvious. Hashirama would never put anyone above a chance at peace, not even the life of his younger brother. And if the Madara of his own universe had had this chakra clinging to him, _manipulating_ him, even, then his actions start making more sense than they already had.

If he is Madara, that must make Madara him. Izuna would be left with the position of Hashirama. Tobirama’s alive so his alternate self must not have attacked Konoha yet and brought the Uchiha brothers down upon himself or, as is more in character, he had decided for a stealthier way to destroy Konoha. Perhaps his other self hadn’t even planned to take Konohagakure down.

He can’t quite convince himself of this.

Either way, his body in his original world is most certainly dead. If he were to return to that world, he’d likely be shoved in his old body, leaving him just as dead as he _should_ have been. He’ll be staying here, then. This world seems to be behind his own, as the First Shinobi War doesn’t seem to have started just yet. If he can diffuse the tension, he may be able to keep his village, students, and family in this world out of quite as much danger.

For now, though, money is a necessity. He has no village or clan to support him so that will take some time to adapt to. Building a reputation amongst clients as trustworthy is the only way he’s going to get any good missions.


	2. Chapter 2

He comes across an issue in the form of his summons. Or, he had attempted to summon them, got a version of them, finished his mission, and now has to deal with them.

”Tobirama died,” Ayame says, not seeming particularly confused or wary, despite her words. More amused than anything, really. The twins, Yuki and Yukiko, stand only a few pawsteps behind her. In his own universe, Yuki had been killed mercilessly. Yukiko had followed her twin shortly after, unable to go on without him. Seeing them both alive and well leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Something he had done differently had resulted in the death of the twins and that’s... tough to swallow.

”Apparently not,” he says carefully, warily. Yuki snorts.

” _Our_ Tobirama refused to summon us after Itama-sama died,” he says bluntly. Tobirama can’t stop the flinch at the mention of his younger brother’s death, can’t stop from curling into himself. Itama’s death had been his fault above anyone because he had been the one to leave the overly trusting boy alone in the woods, too close to the Uchiha border.

”It’s happened before,” Ayame continues with a sharp look towards Yuki. “Never to us but we’ve heard stories.” Tobirama’s breath shudders but he pulls himself away from his memories, from his ever-present grief, enough to refocus on Ayame’s words.

”What’s happened before?” Slips out before he can stop it. Curiosity: his largest advantage and biggest weakness. Butsuma had always warned him it would get him killed one day. Tobirama can’t help but agree, since many of his scars and injuries and mistakes have come from being to curious, too inquisitive. The snow leopards had adored that about him though they had, at times, likened him to the tiger summons when he had ever spent too long in water for them to be entirely comfortable with.

“Summons dimensions are separate from the real world but there is a different summons dimension for each real world dimension, otherwise summons would get killed, torn apart, when summoned by two different summoners in two different dimensions.

Like real world dimensions, summons dimensions are stacked. At times, if two different summons dimensions summoned two different souls of the same person, there is a chance that the souls will collide and get mixed up, resulting in them landing in the wrong dimensions. Like what happened with you and our Tobirama,” Ayame explains. Tobirama frowns, biting his lip in the one bad habit he had been able to rid himself of.

”I’m sorry,” he offers to the trio of snow leopards waiting expectantly in front of him. Yukiko laughs, shaking her head.

”Our Tobirama was a broken man, hardly who he had been when we first allowed him to sign our scroll. He was dying, mind shattered and fractured, soul just the same,” she says. “And judging by the way you aren’t desperate for a way home, I’ll assume we saved you from death. Not a horrible thing, if I do say so myself.” Her tone is firm, brokering no arguments. Tobirama hesitates but smiles thankfully at them.

”I’ll be able to summon you, then?” He asks, just to make sure. Summons are finicky, particularly snow leopards, and he doesn’t want to presume and end up on their bad side. It’d practically be the same as stepping into his grave himself.

”Of course,” Yuki scoffs, like it was never an actual question. “Just do something with that _leech_ that took our Tobirama from us and we’ll be all good.” Then, just like that, they vanish.

...Tobirama would rather they didn’t leave him with more question than he started with. He knows how he got here, at least, so that’s something.


	3. Chapter 3

News travels fast in the smaller countries about a shinobi for hire who never asks for more than people can offer and who always gets the job done. A trustworthy killer, a paradoxical thing. He gets many nicknames, ranging from hilarious to downright terrible. His personal favorite was uttered by a wide-eyed kid, staring at him like he hung the moon and stars in the night sky. Snow Cat, he had been dubbed that mission. It’s stupid and exactly like something you would expect from a little civilian kid but it’s leagues better than “Senju Demon”, “White Ghost”, or any number of rabbit-related names. Yuki cackles any time he’s reminded of those particular nicknames.

The damn freeloader, because that’s what he is, also refuses to elaborate any on that leech comment. It has to do with the rotting-plant-vine-controlling chakra that’s embed so deeply into his (relatively, depending on your point of view) new chakra, though. He’s sure of it.

More than a killer for hire, he’s become a healer for hire. He hadn’t expected it but he supposed it makes sense. The smaller countries rarely have enough money for a good doctor and, beyond that, civilian doctors are far behind shinobi healers when it comes to medical knowledge. Something he attempts to rectify whenever he stays in a town with a healer. Some are receptive to his teachings. Others are less so.

One threw things at him for the remainder of his stay. It was very annoying.

For the most part, though, he stays on the edges of Fire Country. It’s his home, after all, even if it’s an alternative version. He also keeps careful track of any bijuu in his range and the Uzumaki and Uchiha in relation to the bijuu. He’s not sure if all the Uchiha can control the demons or if it was something unique to Madara, but the sealing of the bijuu had been the first step towards the second war. Something he’s trying to avoid, if possible.

It’s a... surprisingly nice lifestyle. He doesn’t have his lab, of course, or his students (or his brothers, always a burning loss) but he has time to research the more paper-bound things he’s come up with and he has enough money to live comfortably. He lacks the protection the village had offered him but he has his summons and they have assured him that he’s welcome to reverse summon himself whenever he wants to visit or needs to get out of a situation quickly. Hashirama would undoubtedly laugh at him if the idiot knew... then of course pout and grumble and act depressed about Tobirama’s abandonment of the village, even if it wasn’t technically his choice.

...He really needs his lab.


	4. Chapter 4

Really, it was only a matter of time before Tobirama ran into Konoha shinobi. He’s been sticking close enough to Fire Country- closer than his predecessor, it seems. It’s an Uchiha he comes across, either brought by Tobirama’s flickering chakra or the young chakra of the child in the clearing ahead of them. Perhaps the Uchiha was even on a mission to get the kidnapped child back. Tobirama isn’t- he had been led here by panicked chakra and an uneasy snow leopard. Said snow leopard now by his side, growling quietly at the Uchiha. Too quietly to get heard by the bandits but Tobirama tightens his grip in the big cat’s fur. The amusement Yuki is getting from the wary-verging-on-scared shinobi in front of them is simply uncalled for.

”Tobirama,” the Uchiha starts, clearly gathering his courage and chakra for a fight. Tobirama interrupts him, unwilling to deal with the Uchiha clan dramatics when the child’s chance of getting out of this relatively unharmed is steadily shrinking.

”Stop that,” he says sharply, mindful of his volume. “I have a child to save so either get out of my way, help me, or wait to start your tantrum until after I’ve dealt with the kidnappers.” The Uchiha splutters, clearly blindsided by Tobirama’s dismissive attitude.

”I- wha- fine!” The Uchiha, thankfully, keeps his voice down. “The kid is my mission, anyway.” Well, that explains the brat’s presence, at least. Tobirama nods once, sharp.

”You and Yuki will take the bandits, then,” he says in a tone that brokers no arguments (when the Uchiha tries, he sends a glare and a decent amount of KI his way. It shuts him up nicely enough). “I’ll get the child.” With that, he darts into the tree, Yuki following easily at his side. The Uchiha follows after a moment, clearly uncertain.

”Try not to scare the Uchiha too badly,” he says softly to Yuki. His summons snorts.

”Sure, stick me with babysitting.” Tobirama gives the snow leopard a look and he gets a roll of the eyes in return. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll play nice with the brat.” Mollified, he turns back to the problem at hand. He pauses on a branch at the edge of the clearing, glancing at the Uchiha. He gives a nod and they fly into a flurry of movement. Tobirama himself is in and out of clearing faster than the bandits can register, scooping the child (a boy, he notes absently) into his arms as he darts far enough away that they won’t be traumatized by the following massacre.

”Angel?” The boy gasps with wide caramel eyes. Tobirama smiles slightly. Angel is certainly a first. He ruffles the boy’s hair.

”I’m a shinobi,” he corrects. The boy shakes his head with surprising ferocity.

”Nuh uh! Mama say angels help you when you’re in trouble an’ that’s what you did!” The boy says determinedly before sucking in a breath like he just thought of something. “Are you a _secret angel_?” Tobirama debates trying to convince the boy of the truth before deciding it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

”I am,” he agrees with a nod. “Will you keep my secret? It’s very important.” The boy’s eyes go wider, a feat he had thought impossible, and nods so quickly it looks painful.

”I’m Shiko!” The boy chirps. Tobirama hums, standing from his crouch when Yuki steps out of the bushes. He swings the boy onto his hip.

”Tobirama,” he returns easily. “And this is Yuki.” Shiko laughs brightly, reaching his hands down. Yuki stretches up just enough that the boy can brush his fingers through his fur a few times. Tobirama turns to the Uchiha.

”This is Uchiha-san, a shinobi of Konoha,” he tell Shiko. The boy waves. The Uchiha hesitates before returning it. Shiko grins. “He’ll get you back to your mother.” Shiko twists to look up at him, pouting.

”You’re not gonna come?” He whines. Tobirama hums.

”I can’t,” he says.

”Why _not_?”

”Ah, well...” Tobirama pauses slightly, tilting his head as he thinks. “I’m... not allowed.” Likely true. Shiko pouts more heavily.

”But _why_?”

”Because-“ he searches desperately for an answer the boy will understand without getting angry or upset. “-I... I have- a curse? A curse-“ Shiko interrupts his stumbling explanation with a horrified gasp.

”That’s so sad! Do you need help?” Oh Kami, if his curiosity doesn’t kill him, his propensity for adopting (Hashirama’s words, not his) random children _will_.

”Yuki is helping me,” he informs. It’s true, just not in this particular context. Yuki rumbles, clearly trying not to laugh. Tobirama forces himself not to glare at the overgrown house cat. “Like Uchiha-san is helping you,” he tacks on for good measure. Shiko narrows his eyes.

”You promise?” He asks suspiciously.

”Promise,” Tobirama says. Shiko sighs like Tobirama is the child in this scenario and he’s the adult. He reaches for the Uchiha, clearly not very enthused about leaving Tobirama behind. Tobirama passes him to the Uchiha without a fuss. Shiko waves at him and he waves back before darting off into the forest. Time to avoid Fire Country for a bit, he thinks.

Less likely to run across the Uchiha that are crawling out of the woodwork of his home country.


	5. Chapter 5

Meeting the Uchiha on the mission to rescue Shiko opened some sort of floodgate. He can barely avoid shinobi anymore, even in other countries, where their villages are just getting started. He had to _run_ from Suna after making the mistake of summoning water. Not only had he made an oasis, but he attracted the attention of the Kage and Daimyo- both of whom now want to catch him and force him to give Suna a decent amount of water. In and around villages, shinobi or not, in particular. It’s not something he would generally refuse to do but that was before the Kazekage began sending _every available shinobi_ after him. It’s incredibly hard to avoid an entire country full of shinobi when they know the terrain far better than he does. He did make a few oases as he went, mostly on accident when he drew water from the ground and air to attack his followers with.

The Hiraishin markers, combined with his sensing and his summons’ tracking, are the only reasons he hasn’t been pinned down yet. There were some close calls, though.

Of course, his mad dash away from Suna shinobi is probably what led to his newest predicament. Yukiko had tried to warn him. Tried being the keyword since he had reverse-summoned her mid-sentence when a Suna shinobi got too close to actually nabbing her for his ease of mind and comfort. She’s going to bite his head off when he summons her again. First things, first though.

”Hello?” He tries, wary, craning his head back to stare up at the huge tanuki crouched in front of him. The Ichibi tilts his head curiously, grinning in a very unsettling way.

”Hello, little human~” the Ichibi coos. The chakra of the Suna shinobi linger several dunes away, looping around Tobirama’s position constantly in clear trepidation. Tobirama can see why. They were terrifying when Mito sealed them, they’re not any less-

Mito. Where is she? In Konoha? Uzushio? Without Hashirama and their marriage, would Uzushio have had any reason to join an alliance with Konoha?

”What’s your name, little human?” The Ichibi asks, voice sickly sweet. Tobirama turns back to the present matter.

”I’m Tobirama,” he greets cautiously. “And you are?” The tanuki puffs up like a proud bird.

”I’m Shukaku, Ichibi of the tailed beasts!” He introduces with flare. Tobirama has to scramble to keep from being buried in sand. The Ichibi seems to notice, and stills the sand enough for him to regain his balance.

”Thank you, Shukaku-sama,” he says. Polite is good. Polite means he might not get eaten.

”Ooooh, Shukaku- _sama_. I _like_ you.” Shukaku nods as if to drive the point home. “Much better than those other, angry little humans. Did you know that they attack me sometimes? It’s _awful_!”

”Well, you’re much stronger than them and that makes them scared,” he explains. Shukaku peers down at him with an eye bigger than his entire body. He has to stamp down his automatic fight or flight response but that doesn’t stop him from finding a Hiraishin seal he could hastily retreat to if the interaction goes south.

”They attack things they’re scared of?”

”Sometimes.” Shukaku’s nose scrunches in confusion.

”Seems stupid,” he says.

”It is,” Tobirama agrees. Shukaku sighs, shaking himself slightly. Sand cascades down, out of his fur.

”I guess you gotta go, now,” he huffs. “The nice humans never stay long.” Tobirama decides resolutely that he doesn’t want to know what happens to the mean humans. The Ichibi is genuinely sad, though, Tobirama can feel it in the beast’s chakra.

”I can... visit?” He offers, hesitant and awkward. The bijuu’s eyes go wide- or the one Tobirama can see does, at least. There’s something disturbingly close to hopefulness in Shukaku’s chakra. Who knew all you needed was to be nice and polite to make a friend with a bijuu (who knew they’re so lonely)? He has to say, however, that he doesn’t want to try this a second time. He doubts he’ll get lucky again.

”Won’t you?” Shukaku breaths and it reminds Tobirama in a strange way of his students, when he promises them things. He nods, resigned to visiting a _bijuu_ of all available creatures.

”I will,” he promises. He pulls at the farthest hiraishin marker he can (safely) reach and the desert disappears in a flicker of golden light and chakra.


	6. Chapter 6

Assassinations are easy. Assassinations when there is an Uchiha-Senju team gawking at him are less so. He flicks the blood off his sword either a frown. The kill has been messier than he had wanted but it had worked out, even with the two idiots tripping over each other. Honestly, who in Konoha had thought the pair of them to be fit to go on an actual mission? They have horrible teamwork and any usefulness they might have had seems to have completely crumbled when faced with Tobirama. He turns to them after a short scan with his chakra to make sure they weren’t in any danger.

”What were the pair of you thinking?” He demands, sliding his sword into its sheathe with a satisfying snap. Both of them flinch, whether at the sound or at Tobirama’s words he can’t tell. They shrink into themselves a little, the Senju chewing on his lip while the Uchiha crosses her arms over her chest in false bluster.

”Well?” That neither of them manage to get a full sentence out (the Uchiha does but it makes no sense- something about adopting, for some reason) just makes him sigh in aggravation, pinching the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt to stave off his impending headache. A _bijuu_ was easier to deal with than these two messes and that’s saying something.

”Do you know how to get back to Konoha without getting yourselves killed?” Their nervous glances at each other and their surroundings don’t inspire much confidence, to his growing horror. He had wanted to deal with the whole leech thing today but that’s out as soon as the Uchiha manages to stumble through and intelligible reply.

”U-um... go, uh, west?” Konoha is, in fact, east. Why were these two let out of the village? He eyes them. They’re about the age for genin, maybe young chuunin. ...That is, of course, if this universe’s Tobirama got around to making the academy and rankings for shinobi before he left. Manipulated or not, he can’t imagine any version of him content with letting young shinobi going out into the world unprepared.

”Wrong,” he answers distractedly. “Where’s the rest of your team?” The two exchange another look, this one less scared and more confused. He refrains from cursing.

”Th-this is our first mission together,” the Senju says hesitantly, eyes wide.

”...Konoha _has_ implemented a team-based system, has it not?”

”Well yeah,” the Uchiha says, to his utter relief, “but we’re chuunin. Teams dissolve after genin.” Well there goes that. Tobirama stares blankly at the girl before sighing explosively.

”Great. Wonderful,” he says, words heavy with sarcasm. “Come on children, let’s get you back to Konoha.” When the shinobi look like they’re going to protest being called children he just gives them a sharp look and begins to herd them in the direction of Konoha. When they’re close enough Tobirama feels safe to let them go on alone, he turns and shoves the scroll he’s been writing on for the majority of their journey into the Uchiha’s surprised grip.

”For your esteemed Hokage. Make sure he gets it-“ Tobirama is _reasonably_ sure either Madara or Izuna are in charge, “-and reads it. Tell him that I’ll know if he doesn’t.” Then he sends the children on their way.

The note, as their Hokage will find, details out a summary of the system set up in his Konoha, the one that he had created himself. It had lasted his Konoha through two wars. He’s not sure the half-made system _this_ Konoha has going on will be able to do the same.


	7. Chapter 7

Tobirama hops across the Fire Country border, this time into the small country of Wave. He makes sure not to attract too much attention- it’s impossible to go entirely unnoticed with looks like his but he _tries_ -settling himself down to stay in their one inn. He’s built up enough money to stay for a few weeks straight and still have a decent amount left over. Not that he plans on staying that long. He has things to do and besides, he’s garnered enough attention recently that staying in one spot won’t be advisable for awhile. He’s thinking of spending a week or so here, then going the long way around to meet back up with Shukaku.

He manages to follow his carefully thought out plan for one day before he ends up with a gaggle of children just outside his room begging to be taught the basics of shinobi-hood. He stares down blankly at the ringleader for several seconds, hoping to scare the brats away without actually doing anything. Alas, it doesn’t work.

”Please,” she adds and all of them give him their very best puppy eyes. Tobirama hates his life. He sighs, pinching his nose and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment to collect himself. What is it about him that just seems to scream ‘teacher’?

”Do you have your parents’ permissions?” He asks in one last desperate move. None of them hesitate, nodding as fast as they can manage. He, unfortunately, can’t sense any dishonesty in their chakra. He holds out for a moment longer before caving with another sigh. He opens his door wider and steps out of the way. The children flood into his room with excited chatter. He closes the door after them before following the gaggle further into his room, where they’ve already made themselves comfortable. He sits in the only vacant chair- how nice of them to leave him somewhere to sit -and eyes the group.

”Your names?” He asks.

”I’m Atsuko,” the ringleader chirps, “an’ this is my twin, Atsushi!”

”Sora!”

”Toshiaki.”

“Miku...”

”Ayame.”

“Haruka!”

”Alright. I’m Tobirama,” he introduces. He gets a chorus of ‘hello, Tobirama-sensei’s in return. “I’m not staying for long,” he warns to crowd of pouts.

”Tha’s ok, Sensei,” Miku says quietly. “I jus wanna protect my momma.” All of the children look at the shy girl for a moment before turning back to Tobirama with determined little faces and nods. He huffs but gets to his feet.

”Come on. I’ve got to test you,” he says.

”On what?” Toshiaki asks as the group follows him obediently.

”Different things. Your chakra natures, for one, and your types,” he explains as he leads the group from the inn, heading towards the cost opposite the one facing the mainland. Their teamwork, he doesn’t say. That’s always best left unsaid.

”Our types?” Sora asks, just as curious. He hums, tilting his head. Describing it in a manner a young civilian child might understand is a bit more difficult than just saying it outright.

”What you would be good at doing,” he says slowly. “Like how I’m good at speed-based things. There are also frontliners, who are often the stronger ones, and those that have really good control. There are many different types and knowing your type is important because it’ll make you stronger in the end.” He pauses for a moment before deciding to nip a common problem in the bud, before it can really come up, “each type is important and strong in its own way. None are better than the others. Understand?” He gets a chorus of ‘yes’s. He pretends that this doesn’t remind him bittersweetly of his own team, now all capable shinobi. Saru will be a fine Hokage and he can only continue to hope the team will balance each other out in the same manner they had when he was still their sensei.

The first lesson isn’t overly exciting, for Tobirama or for the children. That’s a good thing, considering ‘exciting’ generally means ‘highly destructive’ when talking about shinobi-in-training. They get various curious onlookers throughout the day, including various parents of the attending students. The children themselves do fine, considering this is their very first lesson on the subject. Even without the test, Atsuko and Atsushi showed remarkable teamwork. Not very surprising, since their twins, but nice regardless. Atsuko’s main chakra type is fire but her brother leans more towards water. They’d balance each other out very nicely, on a team, especially since Atsuko is clearly a frontliner while Atsushi shows signs of growing to have excellent chakra control, his particular brand labeling him as a sensor.

Sora is a lightning type, compounded by his seemingly endless energy. His reserves are larger than the others’, as well. Likely another frontliner though he could also choose to follow in Tobirama’s footsteps and focus on speed. Toshiaki, on the other hand, is an earth type. He’s also infamous among the group for his pranks. A sign of a trap master, if Tobirama’s ever seen one. Miku has water chakra and, like Atsushi, will grow to have excellent chakra control, if cultivated properly. Unlike Atsushi, she’s not a natural sensor. She would do well as either support or a poisons mistress, though, with the eye she has for herbs.

Ayame and Haruka both have chakra leaning more towards wind than anything else. Ayame is a clear speed type fighter but Haruka could end up as a jack-of-all-trades. He’s come up with teams but those could easily change, since this was only his first day with them. For now, though, he’s thinking of putting Ayame on a team with Atsuko and Sora. She would balance out the two frontliners without holding them back. The other four, put together, would do well as an infiltration team or as a stealth team. All seven together would lead to a well rounded team able to take on near anything that could threaten a small island like Wave, which already has the protection of Uzushio.

...He’s already proud of the brats.

When they drag him from his room at the inn at the crack of dawn the next day, he’s significantly less proud and more irritated at life. Sure, it’s his fault he didn’t sleep last night but who in the world let’s their kids go annoy a nuke-nin at the crack of dawn anyway? In retribution, he puts the seven through their paces as he glares at them over the rim of his third cup of coffee. By the time he’s worn the kids out a decent amount, it’s time for lunch. They go to Toshiaki’s house as a crowd which _would_ have been fine, if they hadn’t decided _dragging him along_ was a good idea. Toshiaki’s parents are sympathetic to his plight and feed him well but that doesn’t stop them from kicking the entire group, including himself, out as soon as they’re done with food to ‘resume training’. The parents, he’s now realized, just want to get free daycare out of it all. He’s annoyed he’s can’t even blame them.

He starts them on basic chakra exercises in the afternoon, settling down with a notebook, content with leaving them to their devices. They’re doing the leaf exercise and are helping each other liberally but he figures that’s fine, since it’ll build and strengthen any pre-existing teamwork between them. The bell test, he realizes at some point, is also out because one, there’s no academy to send them back to, two, dropping them as students won’t actually stop them from showing up to lessons, and three, he has no bells. Not that he couldn’t make do with something else but it’s the _bell_ test, not the stick test or something else equally stupid.

It goes on like that for several days until it’s two weeks later and his students are actually fairly decent, at roughly the level of chuunin. It’s impressive, for sure, but they had worked incredibly hard to get where they are and they bounced off each other, teaching each other just as much as Tobirama taught them. Sora had settle somewhere between frontliner and speed demon, making his faster than everyone but Ayame and himself and stronger than everyone but Atsuko. Rather ingenious, for a kid. Tobirama didn’t even have to nudge him in that direction beyond offering him the choice to choose between the two types. Toshiaki did end up becoming a trap master and accentuated it with fuuinjutsu, which he took a surprising interest in. Few people seen fuuinjutsu as the extremely useful art it is. Miku became a poisons mistress and took to it like a fish to water. It’s actually a bit concerning.

See, the problem is the contingent of Uzumaki that have arrived to trade and check the island over to make sure that no one unsavory is sticking around. Unsavory like a known and feared nuke-nin from Konoha. Not that Tobirama would know anything about someone like that.

”But why d’ya have to go?” Haruka complains, eyes wide and watering with faux tears. If this small island had need for it, Tobirama would suggest they look into a career of infiltration and interrogation. The brat could probably do it and thrive.

”Because the Uzumaki are here,” he informs, sticking his remaining belongings into his back. His students exchange glances, surrounding him in a manner that clearly says they won’t let him go until they’ve been satisfied.

”Aren’t you a shinobi, like them?” Atsuko grills.

”They’re Uzushio shinobi, I’m not,” he explains shortly. “They won’t take kindly to me hanging out with their allies.” He gets several pouts, Haruko’s being the most heart-wrenching, of course.

”But you’re _our_ sensei,” Atsushi complains. He pats the boy on the head as a consolation.

”I have to go,” he insists.

”You’ll come back, right?” Miku says softly, drawing everyone’s attention. She’s peering up at him with an almost out of character amount of stubbornness and determination. “To visit?” He hesitates but... but he’s already promised to visit the Ichibi, what harm could it do to promise his company to these children, as well?

”Fine,” he gives in. “But I have to go, now.”

”We’ll help you get out.” Ayame says with a grin. A grin that Toshiaki matches, though his is significantly more on the mischievous end of the spectrum.

”They won’t even know you were here,” the prankster-slash-trap-master promises. Tobirama finds he can’t doubt his (sort of scary) students. He smiles at them all, fond though he tries not to be. With a nod, permission, they disappear from his room, signatures scattering to prepare. He feels only a little bad for sticking his hellions on the Uzushio shinobi and merchants. All’s well that ends well, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have realized that I forgot to make Tobirama blind so I removed that tag. Whoops!
> 
> The Children and their Teams:
> 
>  **Team 1**  
>  Atsuko (F) - fire - frontliner (Team Leader)  
> Sora (M) - lightning - frontliner/speed demon  
> Ayame (F) - wind - speed
> 
>  **Team 2**  
>  Haruka (NB) - wind - jack-of-all-trades (Team Leader)  
> Atsushi (M) - water - sensor  
> Toshiaki (M) - earth - trap master/Fuuinjutsu  
> Miku (F) - water - Poisons mistress


	8. Chapter 8

Kaito’s day has been rather boring all around. There weren’t any interesting missions in the morning when he checked so he spent the first part of his day wandering around Uzushio, picking up groceries and hanging out with the few off-duty and civilian friends he has. Then he had gone back and found a guard mission first to Wave and then to Konoha. Their relationship with Konoha has always been strained, in a way, though he doesn’t know why. He _does_ know that Mito-hime is insistent in playing nice with what is practically their sister village and that she is _very_ terrifying when she wants to be. More so than even his mother, which he had thought impossible before he became a shinobi and was introduced more fully to the Uzumaki’s brand of insanity. Despite being born and raised on Uzushio, he himself isn’t an Uzumaki- not even part, as far as he know. As such, he spent the first few years of his life blissfully ignorant of the Uzumaki’s natural crazy before being ‘slowly’ introduced to it in the academy (then being thrown to the wolves once he graduated, having been placed on a team with _only Uzumaki_. He’s surprised he made it out alive and managed to keep his teammates whole beside him) (Uzumaki have an obsession with large, flashy jutsu on par with the Uchiha and it _terrifies_ him).

He expects this mission to be just as boring as the rest of the day has been and took it only to get off the island for a bit. Not that Wave is much better but those that live here are significantly more sane, in the very least. Beside him, Satomi hums, pausing in their patrol of the small island for a moment. Kaito glances around, casting out with his chakra. He might not be the best sensor but it’s enough to tell him there’s no one close to the part of the forest they’ve paused in. He turns to his partner curiously. She holds up a hand, pulling out a seal that Kaito recognizes as some sort of alert system. It’s glowing soft blue: suspicion, proceed with caution. They exchange a wary glance before continuing on. They only make it a couple more steps before Satomi yelps, flipping to hang midair by her ankle. Kaito has her down in an instant, just as the bushes rustle and a young boy stumbles out.

”’M so sorry, miss!” The boy frets as Kaito gets assurances from his partner that she’s fine. “I didn’ mean to catch a person, I want’d rabbi’ or somethin’!” The boy is directly in front of them now, brown eyes blown wide with worry. Kaito exchanges another glance with Satomi, this one far more amused than the last. Of course, Kaito’s never going to let the girl live down the fact that a _civilian boy’s_ trap managed to catch her.

”It’s fine,” she says, patting the boy on the head. He brightens in an instant.

”I’m Toshiaki!” He chirps.

”I’m Satomi and this is my partner...”

”Kaito,” he offers up, stepping into the conversation smoothly. “What are you doing out here alone?” Toshiaki smiles but there’s a mischievous glint in it that he knows well from his own teammate. Planning a prank, then, and he and Satomi just stumbled across it on accident.

”Well, you see mister,” the boy’s grin widens dramatically. “I’m not alone~” As if that was a keyword, which it likely was, Kaito realizes with growing horror, three other kids dart, _completely silent_ , from the underbrush. One slams into his legs, into the backs of his knees, and he hits the ground with a curse.

”Miku!” A kid not-Toshiaki cries. It’s the bugger that took him down and is currently _keeping_ him down with a frustrating amount of ease. He twists, finally throwing the brat off him and scrambles to his feet just in time for another kid, girl this time, to jab a _senbon_ coated in something unknown into his arm with a self-satisfied smile. The mystery substance become clear a moment later when he loses all feeling in his limbs, crashing uncontrolled onto the ground. There’s a part of him slightly mollified by the frankly embarrassing take-down when he catches a glimpse of Satomi tied up well and good between the two kids that hadn’t been after him.

”Miku, can you get her too- thanks!” One of them says and Kaito can only assume the girl- Miku -has stabbed Satomi with whatever fast-acting paralytic was used on him.

”Sensei’d probably be proud,” another- Toshiaki -muses. Kaito wonders who the hell in Wave of all places might have known enough about the shinobi arts to teach these kids.

”We should go help the others,” Miku says in a soft manner completely at odds with the unflinching way she plunged a senbon into his arm. He despairs silently at the thought that there might be more gremlins running around with informal shinobi training on this godforsaken island. The kids are apparently in agreement because they start leaving.

”I’m pretty sure we were only supposed to distract,” the fourth and final kid says dryly.

”Distract, incapacitate- whatever works, right?” Toshiaki argues. That’s the last he manages to catch before the group is gone completely and he and Satomi are left to lay on the forest floor.

At least the event wasn’t _boring_ , a traitorous part of his mind whispers.

Shut up, he thinks back scathingly.

* * *

Izuna has never been more confused than now, with the reports of Tobirama’s movements in current months. The first was unsurprising, even if it was unexpected and ever-so-slightly out of character. The albino, he knows, loves children, and that he managed to put his hatred of Uchiha aside long enough to work with one to save a civilian boy was something Izuna knew to expect, back before Tobirama’s mind cracked from hatred and guilt. It may mean the Senju is healing, which could either mean very good things for Konoha or very bad things. Still, it wasn’t concerning enough send any shinobi out to investigate, not when they’re already have their hands full with trying to quell the rising tension between them and the other new villages.

The second report consisted of rumors. They had been brought to Madara and together, he and his brother wondered over them. When he first left the village, information on Tobirama was scarce and often bad. Now, Tobirama has apparently made a name for himself among civilians too poor or wary to contact Konoha for missions. There are still the usual nicknames: ghosts and demon, unflattering things whispered scathingly by disgusted politicians and shinobi. Now, however, there are also other things. Snow cat, mountain spirit, moon rabbit- the list goes on. Saint, some mothers had been heard saying, casting exasperatedly fond looks towards their offspring.

Bijuu tamer, Bijuu whisperer, chosen one, and variants of angel start circling two weeks later, reaching them from the deserts of Suna. _Those_ were significantly more concerning but there was little either Madara or Izuna could do about it since Tobirama hadn’t been spotted in Fire Country afterwards and crossing country boundaries at a time like this would only invite the war building on the horizon.

Not long after, they found themselves flummoxed when one of their chuunin teams return, both looking highly confused, a bit scared, and quite clearly awed, no matter how hard they try to hide it. Madara and Izuna end up pouring over an entire scroll that basically yells at them for being idiots and gives them suggestion for how to better keep their younger shinobi alive. Admittedly, keeping teams throughout a shinobi’s entire career and building off of teamwork rather than strength sounds like a much better plan. They start implementing it in pieces, carefully keeping from mentioning Tobirama’s name whenever they offer another of the suggestion to their council to look over. The change is slow going, but they’ve made decent headway for the time they’ve had.

 _Now_ they have Uzu shinobi standing in his and Madara’s shared office, reporting to them that Tobirama had been spotted in Wave. Also that he apparently decided that training up seven children to be shinobi was a good idea and that he did it well enough that the kids managed to distract the shinobi, two of which were _jounin_ , long enough for Tobirama to escape the island.

”Someone has to go after him,” Izuna says once their guest shinobi have filed out. “Either to figure out what he’s planning or to stop him from spreading so much chaos.” He and Madara exchange a long, tired glance. They’re the only ones able to stand up to the albino, after all. That was several years ago, though. Years Izuna has spent in an office while Tobirama undoubtedly grew more skilled. They were even when they fought each other on opposite sides of a battlefield. Logic would dictate, then, that Izuna would struggle to keep up, at this point.

”Will the village burn down if I go?” Madara asks tiredly. “Can I go without tempting Kumo and Iwa-“ not Suna, Izuna notices, and he finds that that’s likely because they’ve drawn away a bit, ever since Tobirama decided that the _Ichibi_ was good friend material, “-into attacking?” Izuna’s mouth tightens as he forces himself not to frown.

”We have to do _something_. We can’t let this go on, not when he has a Bijuu under his control and a team of skilled children loyal to him,” he says.

”I know,” Madara agrees, grip tightening on brush. Izuna might not be able to read his brother’s mind but he knows Madara better than he knows himself. The man blames himself for Tobirama’s abandonment of the village, for the albino’s hatred of anything Uchiha. Blames himself for Hashirama’s death in the same manner that Tobirama does. Madara is worried for the village, yes, and that’s not surprising. It’s his dream, the last thing he has left of the man he thought of as his best friend and closest confidant. At one time, that had burned something fierce in his chest, something that had tasted a tad too close to betrayal and anger. Now, he understand more, understands that brothers can’t be everything to a person, no matter how much they try. More than worry for the village, Izuna knows Madara feels responsible for dragging Tobirama back kicking and screaming, if he has to. Feels responsible for Hashirama’s little brother in not quite the same way he’s responsible for Izuna.

”Go,” he decides finally. “Konoha will be fine without you for a little while. Just come running if you see smoke, right?” Madara gives him an amused look edged with too much relief and desperation. Izuna offers an encouraging smile in return, and his brother is gone from one moment to the next, open window and half-finished paperwork the only sign he was there at all. Izuna lets the smile drop, sighing heavily. The council will be a bitch and a half to deal with about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A catch-up chapter, where we get to see the other side of the chaos. There won’t be many chapters like this so donut worry- we’ll be back to Tobirama’s Misadventures soon enough!


	9. Chapter 9

Tobirama has no idea how he’s gotten into this situation. He’s married now, which is strange, but his husband is a noble who seems fine with building him a lab for him to hide himself away in so that’s a plus. Of course, it doesn’t fully make up for being forced into a marriage but it’s a good start. He’s in his lab right now and it’s actually impressive how much his husband managed to set up in such a short amount of time. It’s not as good as his lab was in the Other Konoha but it’ll do for now while he tries to figure out what’s going on with that leech on his chakra.

It _is_ a leech in that it is attached to and feeding on his chakra. It doesn’t take so much as to be dangerous for him but it’s still a rather bit annoying. No matter how slowly or swiftly he tries to remove it, it always sends him crippling pain when he reaches a certain point and snaps back into place as he’s recovering.

Beyond the annoyance he is currently calling a leech for lack of a better term or name, he’s quite enjoying his lab. He’s blown so many things up in the name of science! And he’s actually worked on some of his ongoing projects, of course. He’s been focusing on making various techniques less chakra-draining, the hiraishin and kage bunshin most of all. He succeeds. A little. The kage bunshins explode a little and he has yet to test the hiraishin but he’s sure it’ll be fine.

In other news, he has two daughters, two nephews, and a niece now. In that order, they are Nao, Kyo, Isamu, Asuka, and Michiko. They came with his husband for free and he even gets to train them! Which is incidentally how he ends up making a jutsu for Michiko to change her physical gender because she apparently started out as a he. She was very thankful and he debates whether turning Madara into a woman would be worth being murdered. Maybe he can continually switch Madara through the genders just to annoy him? His reactions would bound to be priceless.

”Are you sure it’s okay to teach them shinobi skills?” His husband, Nobuyuki, asks hesitantly, pulling him from his plans to swap the genders of everyone in Konoha. He’s probably spent too long in the company of children, specifically Toshiaki, if he’s coming up with things like this...

”They’ll be fine,” Tobirama assures, absently putting out the fire Nao started on Isamu. Nobuyuki doesn’t look convinced. “Besides, if they know how to protect themselves, then they won’t be in danger from simple bandits anymore,” he adds. His husband still looks rather hesitant.

”But... you’ll be there to protect them?” He says. Tobirama pats the man’s arm.

”I’m a nuke-nin,” he reminds mercilessly.

Several weeks later, once the four children have been trained up decently and can use everything in his lab without killing themselves on accident, he fakes his death. It’s a very sad death and he dies in Nobuyuki’s arms as the man promises never to love anyone else. The children make him promise to come visit when they help him escape. It’s not like he hasn’t already promised several others the same thing so it’s easy enough to agree to.

He does mourn the loss of his lab, though, and can only hope his students/daughters/niblings take good care of it for him.


	10. Chapter 10

“Excuse me?” A woman asks, wringing her hands nervously. Tobirama turns to her, tilting his head inquisitively. “Are you Senju Tobirama?”

”I am,” he confirms and the woman relaxes, smiling in relief.

”Wonderful, u-um... do you know that you have a very angry pyromaniac trying to hunt you down?” That’s... odd, to say the least. “We’ve been sending him off on wild goose chases but we also wanted to let you know, just in case.” She shrugs and watches him carefully, blinking up at him.

”...Do you know his name?” Tobirama asks, suspicious.

”Uchiha Madara, Tobirama-san,” she informs. He nods slightly with a sigh. Looks like his actions have drawn some unfavorable attention from Konoha. He was expecting it, particularly after that stunt with the scroll full of things they can improve on, but it’s still annoying.

”Thank you,” he says. “And... you said something about a ‘we’...?” The woman grins.

”Tobirama-san, you have created yourself an army of thankful parents, teachers, and guardians. Others as well, but those are your main supporters. I’m surprised you haven’t come across one of us yet,” the woman says, strangely proud. Tobirama is... slightly terrified. Also impressed that there seems to be an operation of people _across the Elemental Nations,_ probably made mostly of civilians, that have managed to keep themselves a secret from everyone. It also sounds vaguely cult-ish, but he’s ignoring that part for his sanity.

”...Could you get word to me about Madara’s whereabouts and the status of Konoha?” He inquires, curious about his weird spy network. The woman hums thoughtfully.

”Madara will be a piece of cake- shinobi that powerful always underestimate civilians. Konoha will be a little harder but I’ll see what we can do for ya,” she says. Tobirama nods and offers a smile.

”Thank you for this. Don’t do anything that may put any of you in danger, though.” The woman laughs.

”Boy, you have an honest to god cult and you’re worried about us being in danger. That’s sweet but a totally unfounded worry. Have a little bit of faith in us.” The smile she flashes him is downright terrifying. He has been utterly underestimating civilians his entire life. That needs to be rectified immediately. He’ll have to get his students and children onto part of the spy network as well as a precaution... maybe Shukaku as well? It’d probably do the Ichibi some good.

”Is there a way for me to get in contact with any of you?” He asks finally. The woman pats his arm.

”Oh don’t you worry your pretty little head. We’ll find you if we have anything for you.” With that, the woman leaves and Tobirama is left feeling rather like he’s been the last to be let in on a big secret. Which is technically true, he supposes. At least he has some sort of a support system, even if it comes in the form of a cult and not in the form of a village. It’s sorta nice, actually.

He does need to get to Shukaku, though. He’s been delayed and side-tracked enough.


	11. Chapter 11

“Do you know anything about a leech with plant like chakra that attaches itself to humans’ chakra?” Tobirama asks, peering up at Shukaku. The Ichibi is currently making a sandcastle. Tobirama promised to make a moat around it when the Ichibi finished but the Bijuu keeps on making his sandcastle more and more intricate so it’s probably going to be a while before he actually has to make the moat. Shukaku pauses for a moment, blinking one huge black and gold eye down at him.

”Nope,” Shukaku says, turning back to his sandcastle. “I don’ really pay attention to humans ‘cause they’re so mean to me. Matatabi might know, or... well, Matatabi might know. She doesn’t come to the desert very much, though.” Tobirama takes a moment to wonder which of the bijuu Shukaku stopped himself from mentioning. They only one besides the Ichibi that he’s met (in a rather large stretch of the world) is the Kyuubi. As you can imagine, the situation wasn’t exactly one to have a calm conversation about weird chakra leeches. Not that he would have known to ask, at the time.

”Who’s Matatabi?” He decides to ask. It doesn’t really matter who the other bijuu may have been, as long as this Matatabi might be willing to help. Shukaku shifts a bit, tail thumping against the ground once. It sends up a plume or sand that Tobirama needs to shunshin to avoid.

”...the Nibi,” Shukaku huffs. “She’s really picky though, are you sure I can’t help? Or- or Kokuo? Or even Isobu? They’re nicer...”

”Would they know about the chakra-leech?” Tobirama asks, willing to go to a ‘nicer’ bijuu if they can give him the information he needs without killing him. Shukaku pouts at him. It’s surprisingly cute for someone that stars in shinobi’s nightmares. He’s certain his civilian cult will love Shukaku, if he can somehow get any of the members to meet the weakest/youngest bijuu.

”Probably not,” Shukaku grumps. Tobirama pats Shukaku’s tail where it lays just within his reach. The fur is tough and bristling and positively coated in sand. Not really very surprising.

”Then you’ll just have to help me with Matatabi,” he says, offering a smile. Shukaku squints at him, tilting his head.

”Help you...?” The Ichibi repeats curiously. He wonders if anyone, even the other bijuu, have ever helped Shukaku.

”Help me,” he confirms. “You could come with me. Help me convince Matatabi to help- well, help me _find_ her, first, I suppose.” Shukaku stares at him for a moment before breaking out into a bright grin. It twists oddly on the bijuu’s face, looking rather terrifying. Particularly when paired with Shukaku’s formidable fangs.

”Like a bodyguard!” Shukaku chirps ( _chirps,_ a bijuu bigger that two houses stacked on top of each other _chirps_ ) brightly.

”And like friends,” Tobirama acquiesces with a smile that he refuses to admit is fond.

”Friends!” Shukaku crows.

”Now, you should finish your sandcastle so I can put a moat around it,” Tobirama prompts warmly. Shukaku, still grinning happily, does as he suggests and continues to work on the frankly impressive sandcastle. He can delay for a few hours longer- it’s not like he’s been rushing to deal with the leech these past few months. What is a little lost chakra compared to a joyous bijuu?


	12. Chapter 12

Tobirama eyes Shukaku for a moment. He’s not regretting making friends with the bijuu or inviting him along on their coming trip since the bijuu has been so helpful but he admits he hadn’t really thought through the logistics of _traveling_ with a _Bijuu_. You know, those demons that are taller than mountains. They’ve attracted followers. They haven’t even left Suna yet and they’ve attracted followers. The Suna shinobi are trying to be stealthy. See, it would probably work against literally anybody else but Tobirama is fairly sure that he’s the most powerful sensor in the world, at the moment. He’s known for being a sensor, as well, even if the rumors don’t know how powerful his ability really is, but shinobi should know better than to try and follow him. Although, Shukaku’s overwhelming chakra does make it a bit difficult to locate exact positions and numbers...

”Is it possible for you to... thin your chakra?” He asks. “We are attracting a lot of attention and I wish to make sure they don’t aim to harm you or me.” Thinning isn’t the proper term, nor is it entirely accurate, but Shukaku acts enough like a child that he feels the need to simplify his words. It’s likely due to the Ichibi’s ignorance regarding humans. If his friendship with the bijuu continues, he’s going to have to teach Shukaku human traditions so that his human acquaintances will be just a bit less on edge.

”I don’t think so,” Shukaku chirps. “But! I can do this!” Tobirama stops when the bijuu does and he turns to Shukaku, curious. The Ichibi squeezes his eyes shut in concentration. A moment later, with a flicker of chakra that reminds him of a henge but somehow more solid and a puff of smoke, a young boy stands before him. Tanuki features are still obvious, with the patterned fur, ears, eyes, and tail, but it could easily be passed off as a Kekkei Genkai.

”I can also turn into a small tanuki,” Shukaku explains as he latches onto Tobirama’s arm.

”I wasn’t aware,” he admits. It’s a rather large oversight, considering he had already lived through these years, in his original dimension. Although, he had also been in Konoha for most of that time, unable to follow his more complicated scientific pursuits.

He’ll need to buy (or build) a lab after he’s finished with this whole chakra leech mess. He’s almost desperate for something more interesting to do.

”How’d you think we got around everywhere without humans noticing? We can’t teleport...” Tobirama shrugs at him.

”I wasn’t ever sure. Bijuu only come through the Land of Fire every once in awhile and I had been... preoccupied.” You know, with the war and all. The Bijuu probably don’t pay attention to humans enough to know about the war, so he’s just not even going to mention it. Of course, he could be completely wrong but he blames all of his excess caution on Shukaku’s even more child-likeness.

”Kokuō’s the best at it! He can hold it the longest and he looks the most human when he transforms.”

”Interesting,” Tobirama says truthfully as he starts walking again. It prompts Shukaku into taking the lead again as he chatters on about his siblings. Mostly Matatabi and Kokuō, who he’s starting to think is the Gobi.

It’s nice to know that one of the bijuu is a pacifist.


	13. Chapter 13

“HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU DISTURB MY REST- Shukaku?” The Nibi cuts off in confusion. Shukaku makes a noise Tobirama is quite sure isn’t possible to make with human vocal cords and Matatabi settles back on her haunches, apparently blindsided.

”Not that I don’t love when you visit but, um... why? And why with a human?” Shukaku beams.

”This is my friend! His name is Tobirama!” The Ichibi’s face falls and Tobirama twitches at the sight. He forces himself still when that brings Matatabi’s attention squarely back to him. “He asked me about somethin’ but I didn’t know the answer but I said you might so please help us?” The pleading eyes he sends his sister are so horrible that Tobirama wants to cave and he’s not even being asked.

”Is that so?” The Nibi’s voice is... appropriately frigid. Tobirama wouldn’t trust him either in this situation. The nekomata probably believes he’s taking advantage of Shukaku.

”I had a question regarding a sort of chakra leech and had asked Shukaku if he had come across anything like it before,” he informs truthfully.

”Really,” Matatabi says, unconvinced. “And did you find out about this... _leech_ before or after you made friends with my brother?”

”Before.” Matatabi eyes him.

”Your honesty is admirable,” she says blandly. “It’s going to get you killed.” Tobirama hums, clapping his hands together.

”Only if I’m honest to the wrong people. I’m a shinobi,” he reminds. “I know how to lie.”

”Sure,” Matatabi agrees easily. “Now go away. Shukaku, you’re staying. Your fur is probably full of sand so I’ll need to groom you.”

”Nibi-sama-“

”Out with you or I’ll eat you.”

”Matatabi-nee!” Shukaku cries, apparently horrified at the idea. Tobirama pats him on the head, ignoring the sparkly look he get in return.

”May we talk about this when you’re finished with that?” He asks. Matatabi eyes him suspiciously.

”...If I feel like it,” she says finally. Tobirama bows politely.

”Then I’ll leave Shukaku in your capable paws.” Shukaku grumbles and pouts but he lets Tobirama leave so that’s something. Outside the cave, Tobirama sets up a small camp. He has a feeling he’s going to be waiting for a while. Taking in the chill of the mountain for a moment, looking out of the view, he decides that it’s really too cold for him to stay out here without protection for long. He raises a stone wall to curve around the side of the ledge where he is and shifts his stuff in order to be better protected. That done with, he offers a halfhearted prayer that Yukiko won’t murder him and summons some of his snow leopards.

”TOBIRAMA!” Yukiko snarls as soon as she appears, lunging at him with a look that promises pain. He lets her hit him, knowing it’d only be worse if he runs. She pins him, ranting angrily about taking care of himself and not being an idiot. He sends a pleading look around her towards the others. Ayame and Isami seem content to ignore him and Yuki seems amused by the notion that he even tried.

”Yukiko,” he finally cuts in. The snow leopard gives him a poisonous look but does stop scolding him. “I need to ask for your help.” Yukiko eyes him, much like Matatabi had only minutes before. Then she sighs and lets him up, padding to her brother’s side so the four of them are settled facing him. He pulls himself into a proper sitting position, the air turning serious.

”You only have to tell us what to do,” Ayame assures. He gives her a smile.

“Firstly, I’ll need someone to stay here with me. Humans aren’t made to operate at these temperatures. I know it’s beneath you all but I simply can’t keep a fire going without wood with these winds, even if I supply it with chakra.” Yukiko sighs, put-upon like.

”I suppose I can help you.” Tobirama nods, quirking a smile at her attitude. She is perhaps the most overprotective of his summons but she tends to cover it with jokes. Not that she’d ever deny it- she knows exactly what she’s like. It’s particularly aggravating when she insists on grooming him.

”Thank you. Ayame, please go to Uzushio and ask the Uzukage if they would be willing to play host to me. They are the best with seals and I want to know if they can do something about the chakra leech.” Though he’s hoping Matatabi knows something, he’s aware that it’s unlikely that she could do anything about it herself. There’s no guarantee that she’ll actually help, either.

”Fine by me,” Ayame agree easily.

”If you have time afterwards, please check in on my... cubs in Wave.” He turns his attention to Isami and Yuki before any of his summons can make a big deal out of him using the term cubs. “I want you two to check the Uchiha for any signs of similar chakra leeches. Focus particularly on Madara and Izuna, if you can. However, if you think you’re in danger or if you’re discovered retreat _immediately_. I don’t want any of you hurt.“ Yuki scoffs despite the stern look Tobirama levels him.

”Have some faith in us, would you.”

”Isami, you’re in charge,” Tobirama says blandly.

”Oi,” Yuki squawks, “no need to be mean!”

”Please hurry,” he says to Ayame and Isami, ignoring Yuki’s dramatics. He’s just as bad as the Uchiha, honestly.

“Right,” Ayame says. “You can count on us. Come on guys.” With that, Ayame disappears over the cliff edge. Isami herds a complaining Yuki after her, looking very resigned with life. Tobirama and Yukiko are left in relative peace and quiet. The snow leopard stretches before investigating the ledge for somewhere to settle down. Once she has, she gives Tobirama a look. With a sigh and one last glance into the cave where he can just barely see the reflection of Matatabi’s flames, he goes over to Yukiko and lets her arrange him so that she’s draped over the most of him. 

They settle down to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the three people that commented earlier- yeah, I accidentally uploaded the chapter before it was finished so sorry about that! This is the the full chapter 😊
> 
> While I’m here... thank you to everyone who’s been reading! Any and all reviews left warm my heart and give me inspiration to go on! Love y’all ❤️❤️
> 
> Note: this chapter was written with my phone! :)


	14. Chapter 14

Tobirama wakes up suddenly. His fingers and toes are a bit too cold but he’s otherwise fine. Yukiko is still curled around him, tense. Above him looms a young girl with flickering blue fur and ears and two tails twisting hypnotically behind her. Matatabi. Her not-quite-human form is older than Shukaku’s but only by a year or two. He thinks he’s put her at about eleven, if given the choice.

”The snow leopards are your summons,” she remarks. Her voice has lost it’s heaviness and it’s more masculine quality but the power remains, thrumming in every word.

”They are,” he agrees, one hand threading through Yukiko’s fur. The snow leopard relaxes but only just. Matatabi watches with a critical eye before shrugging.

”I’ll help you with your problem as much as I can,” she says. Tobirama raises a brow.

”You will?” The why isn’t spoken but it is implied heavily. In the corner of his eye, he sees Ayame slink out behind an outcropping and freeze midstep.

”Shukaku trusts you,” Matatabi explains.

”And you don’t think I could have tricked him?” He asks curiously. Matatabi snorts, giving him an unimpressed look.

”I think you forget that we’re hundreds of years older than you, human. We all know how to tell manipulation from sincerity, even Shukaku. Anyway,” Matatabi eyes Yukiko. “The snow leopards generally have decent instincts when it comes to summoners.” Tobirama quirks a half smirk when Ayame quivers with insulted rage behind Matatabi.

”Now come on,” Matatabi continues. “Shukaku will be absolutely unbearable if his pet human dies of hypothermia.” Tobirama twitches. Harshly. Being called a pet is not a nice feeling, he decides. He gets up without complaint regardless because he knows cats better than any other and he really doesn’t feel like getting on the bad side of a cat bijuu. He can survive many things, but he’s pretty sure that’s impossible to make it out of.

Cats always get what they want, in the end.

He makes it into the cave with only one almost-stumble, feet numb from the cold and from having a snow leopard draped across his lap. She’s not exactly light, though he’d never say that to her face. Again, cats are finicky. And a bit terrrifying. Shukaku is still in his humanoid form, splayed across the floor and dead asleep. Both he and Matatabi give him fond looks but Tobirama is certain neither of them would ever admit it.

”We can stay here until tomorrow,” Matatabi says. “We’ll have to leave, after. The humans here have an annoying habit of seeking me out if I stay in one area for too long.” Tobirama hums in agreement. He hadn’t been planning on staying here longer than necessary, anyway. Matatabi moves farther into the cave, keeping several paces away from Tobirama. Taking the hint as it is, he moves to the wall of the cave, searching for anywhere semi-comfortable to sit. Across the cavern, Matatabi shifts. Ayame gives the bijuu worried looks as she slinks over to Yukiko and himself.

”So?” He asks quietly.

”It took some convincing but the Uzukage agreed,” Ayame supplies. “And your cubs are doing alright, though when they found who sent me they complained that you didn’t come visit yourself.” The snow leopard gives him an amused looks. He just rolls his eyes, huffing out a fond sigh.

”I suppose I'll have to find time to visit them.”

”I suppose you will,” Yukiko drawls, knowing full well that any annoyance on his part is a poorly put together mask. The smile, slight as it is, slips away and he sighs again, this time with true aggravation. There’s so much he could be doing, all of which leagues more productive, if he could just get rid of the chakra leech. The snow leopards, who know him better than anyone else in this universe, are silent. They know useless platitudes are just that- useless.

He thinks he couldn’t be luckier to have them with him here, when the alternative would be being isolated and on his own in a universe that he doesn’t belong to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another more serious chapter. I’m losing faith in myself. I crave fluff and comedy yet I write this. Why? Why does my brain torture me so?


	15. Chapter 15

Touka storms past the line of waiting people straight into the Hokage’s office. No one dares stop her- they know her temper and her skill with her naginata. Most of them know it intimately and have the mental or physical scars to prove it. There’s already some one talking to Izuna when she enters, Madara’s desk as suspiciously empty as it has been for the last week, and she ignores them in favor of marching up to the Uchiha’s desk and slamming her hands down. To her eternal pleasure, Izuna looks properly cowed.

”What can I do for you today, Touka-sama?” He asks, voice a halfway point between suspicious and nervous. She bares her teeth at him in a mockery of a smile.

”You’ve been in contact with my little cousin,” she hisses out. Izuna’s eyes narrow and he waves his hand. Immediately, the two jounin in the corners leave, taking the complaining noble with them as they go.

”That’s a mighty big accusation you’re making,” he warns, eyes narrowing.

”Do you think I’m an idiot?” She snaps in return. “I’ve known him for most of my life- for _all_ of _his_. You think I can’t tell when he’s had his hand in something?” She straightens, looming over the Uchiha. “Do you honestly think I would believe that you or _him_ ,” here she casts a hand towards Madara’s empty desk, “could come up with the additions to the shinobi team? The changes in the way we teach our children?” Izuna stares at her for a moment, chakra bubbling enough for Touka to catch onto it, her own chakra rising in retaliation. Then his mouth twists and he sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

”We really haven’t been in contact with him,” he says. When she goes to protest, he gives her a look and continues. “However, he rant into one of our old ‘teams’ and sent us back this, in the hands of a suitably confused chuunin.” There’s the familiar, quiet pop of a seal and he lifts a scroll up from under the table. She snatches it from him, scanning it. It’s written in Tobirama’s familiar style, if a bit messier than normal. The condescending air to parts and sketched ideas scream her cousin and she can’t stop a slight smirk. This is definitely something Tobirama would have written, back before the shit storm that lead to him abandoning this village. It makes her hope that maybe, just maybe, Tobirama is getting better. He’s letting go. He’s learning to live without Hashirama. She pauses.

”...What in the world is _ANBU_?”

* * *

Madara regrets a lot of things. Some things are small- he regrets letting Izuna send him on a blind date that one time, or introducing Kagami to the rest of his hellion friends. Others are large- he regrets not going with Togakushi and Kuro on their last missions, regrets not giving into peace sooner, regardless of what Izuna had wanted.

Right now, he mostly regrets going after Tobirama. He’s soaked to the bone and he’s pretty sure there’s seaweed in his hair, he lost his nice warm over clothes somewhere along the way, it’s snowing and he’s _cold_ , damnit. He’s also starting to think the people who claimed to have seen Tobirama are _lying_ because despite moving quickly and going everywhere they tell him he hasn’t even caught a glimpse of that sage-forsaken Senju.

A shinobi lands lightly on the snow in front of him, looking far too concerned. He buries his urge to wring the girl’s neck and light her on fire.

”You, um...Madara-sama?” He gives her a dark look.

” _What_.”

”You have a message from the Uzukage-sama,” she explains, sticking out a scroll. He grabs it.

”I’ll be, um, going now- alright, I’ve gotta ask, do you know you have a snow leopard following you around?” The question seems a bit desperate. Madara stares at her and then sighs, heavily.

”You know what? I don’t care. Just- leave me alone.” The shinobi hesitates, glancing at where he can only assume is his feline follower, but she dutifully disappears into sunshin. Madara opens the scroll he received, tired and annoyed. He’s less so when he finished.

”Thank the sage for the Uzukage,” he breaths, relieved beyond measure.


	16. Chapter 16

The bijuu use their semi-human forms as they travel down the mountain the next morning. Shukaku, mostly asleep, got to ride Yukiko, who has taken a shining to him. Tobirama is only slightly concerned the snow leopard might replace him with the Ichibi. Only slightly. Matatabi has taken to gently terrorizing Ayame and, not wanting to get in the Nibi’s way, Tobirama mostly ends up thinking on his own the entire way down.

With nothing else to do, he ends up investigating the chakra leech. Again. He doesn’t try to remove it- doing so while traveling would just be a bad idea, particularly since he’s traveling down cliff side trails, which are hardly wide enough for a person. Instead, he tests the affect the leech has on him as much as he can without throwing around high level jutsu.

His chakra is hovering around 4/5. It cuts down on his ability to use taxing jutsu but not so much as to be a disadvantage in a fight unless he’s fighting someone equal to him, like Izuna, or better than him, like Madara. Avoiding the Uchiha is still a top priority, then, which isn’t very surprising. Of course, this is a different universe where facts that he remembers being unchangeable are twisted, so who knows the truth.

It’s be brilliant if he could get in contact with this universe’s original version of him for interrogation. Maybe Edo Tensei...? He hasn’t quite figured that technique out, yet, so he’ll have to do something about that. The main problem is making the temporary body out of something pliable yet long lasting. There’s also getting the summons to obey the summoner and figuring out how to activate the array without using an entire body’s worth of blood.

He could use a fresh corpse but, like any organ transfer, he’d assume that there’d be a chance the soul won’t agree with a body not it’s own or that the body itself will reject an unfamiliar soul. Theoretically, making a false body using something from the original’s corpse (hair, skin, blood, etc.) would be possible but that would likely classify as immoral by Hashirama’s standards. Actually, using a random corpse might classify as immoral as well...

Making the false body out of earth and whatnot might be his only option that other people won’t persecute him for, which means changing that part of the summoning seal is unnecessary. The false body would be more delicate like this, prone to cracking even with a steady chakra supply, if the false body can withstand the chakra at all.

The control problem can be temporarily put aside, since he could easily create a second seal to control the summons, maybe attached to a kunai. He’ll come back to it later, once he has the more important problems fixed.

As for the blood... he _could_ replace at least some of it with chakra but the costs would be enormous, not to mention that it would likely burn out the array. Using Edo Tensei even once would require months of preparation, if not longer, if he could even find a way to let the array survive the influx of that much chakra.

Once he’s adjusted the array to replace the majority of the blood with chakra, he might be able to work out a way to lessen the chakra cost and, from there, the amount of blood needed-

“Tobirama-san?” He snaps to attention, off-kilter when he finds his group and himself on the outskirts of a town instead in the mountains. There’s a pair of young women in front of him and he’s fairly sure one of them a shinobi but with so much bijuu chakra around, his senses are a bit skewed.

”Yes?” He asks.

”You asked us to look after Uchiha Madara and Konoha,” one says.

”No I-“ ah, wait. The cult. They’ve returned. “...Right. I forgot about that.” Beside him Ayame purrs out a laugh. Shukaku attaches himself to Tobirama, peering around to stare are the two women.

“Well Konoha seems to be doing alright, especially in comparison to other villages. Senju Touka raised a fuss about something the other day and Uchiha Izuna is helping her keep it all hush hush. Um... we think Uchiha Madara got a summons, since he changed paths and isn’t really stopping for anything except sleep and food. Anything else?” The second woman shakes her head in response and the first offers him a grin. “Want anything else?” Tobirama hesitates before nodding and motioning to his two bijuu companions.

”These are Shukaku and Matatabi. Please share around the word that the, ah, network can help them, as well.” The woman smiles brightly.

”Sure! We’ll be on our way, then. Suzuki and I are going on our honeymoon!” Tobirama blinks.

”Err... congrats?” The woman grins and waves, skipping off with her partner in tow.

”Who were they?” Matatabi asks curiously.

”I have no idea. Part of my cult, apparently.”

”...I’m sorry your what?” Tobirama can only offer a heavy sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of writing this, I have 666 Kudos on this story and I can’t help but think that fits perfectly.
> 
> Also, I got a bit... side tracked in this chapter. I didn’t mean to write so much about jutsu creation I don’t even know where any of it came from T-T The spirit of Tobirama possessed me.


	17. Chapter 17

Yuusuke lands on a branch, pausing to reorient himself. The forest is shadowy in the midday light but not dark, per se. He runs through the mission again in his head and shifts uncomfortably on his branch. He’ll never understand how Konoha shinobi do it. Not that he particularly wants to get into a position where he could ask- everyone knows Konoha shinobi are all screwy in the head. Not a single sane one among them, civilians included.

He hops another few branches and pauses again, frowning at the tremors running through the wood beneath his hands and feet. Everything seems to be vibrating slightly. There are snow leopards, of all things, as well. He hopes he hasn’t accidentally activated some trap-

Several feet away, a group of trees are flattened with ominous cracks by what looks to be a huge cat paw. Yuusuke swallows nervously, raising his head to look at what, exactly, is beside him. It’s the nibi. Beside it is the Ichibi because why not- the sage clearly hates him-

Is that a person.

There is a _person_ on the Ichibi’s _head._

 _There is a former Konoha shinobi on the Ichibi’s head_.

Yuusuke watches, perfectly still and hardly breathing, as the group passes by his tree. He doesn’t dare move, even when the tremors wracking the tree he’s stuck to begin to numb his hand. When they’re all finally passed and he has gone apparently unnoticed, he collapses on his tree with a huge breath of air which may or may not be a sob.

Crazy, the lot of them.

He is never, _ever_ , taking a mission in or around Konoha, _ever again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too long! Just a fun idea I got from a commenter (I’m sorry, I forgot your name and I’m too lazy to look ;-;)! It was great to write. I’m doing a writing challenge until next Monday so I wanted to quickly get this out before I got too distracted to update/write 😅
> 
> Hope ya’ll enjoy!


	18. Chapter 18

“You have... quite the entourage,” Mito says, sharp brown eyes roving from person to person in their little group. To be fair, Tobirama supposes they must look fairly strange to outsiders. The Mito of his own universe had come to know and appreciate many of Tobirama’s snow leopards, often looking on with exasperated fondness whenever she finds them all piled up in the dead of winter. This Mito, however, has clearly had no, or at least very few, interactions with the leopards. She eyes them with trepidation and a peculiar sort of thoughtfulness that he attributes to his predecessor’s refusal to summon the leopards.

Next is the sandy child in his arms and honestly, monstrous and monstrously powerful bijuu or not, Tobirama has no idea how Shukaku keeps on getting himself coated in sand. Where is it _coming from_. Matatabi is no help and just laughs at him whenever she’s in a slightly less I’m-better-than-you mood. Speaking of Matatabi- the girl is riding Ayame and the two still snipe more than they have pleasant conversation. He thinks they might be at it now but he tuned them completely out after the first hour of nonstop sarcasm and insults. It’s their own special brand of friendship and he’s fine keeping such craziness far, far away from him.

(He ignores the irony in that, as his own friendship with Toka in his former universe had consisted mostly of sniping, spite, familial obligation, and a shared brand of crazy.)

He blinks slowly at Mito, realizing his reply might be overdo. In the most tired, ignorant tone he’s ever heard come out of himself, he says, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The unimpressed look he’s leveled is met with the same blankness in his body language. Maybe, just to irritate the woman, he should show up next time with more of his children. Students! His _students_. The ones over in Wave would love to tag along and get some experience and Wave would still have Uzushio as their first line of defense. Of course, their parents are civilian and might not permit him an adventure with their demonic spawn. Finally, Mito decides it’s not worth it to try and out stubborn him, a fact that makes Tobirama irrationally proud.

”I suppose we’ll need to adjust your quarters. Will the leopards be staying with you or returning to their realm?” Tobirama hums, eyeing his summons. Yukiko blinks innocently up at him. Ayame offers a flat look.

”They’ll be staying,” he informs. Mito is too dignified to snort but her eyes flick up to the sky for a moment, lips twitching. He wonders for a moment if she’s religious beyond the general Uzushio beliefs in spirits.

(Maybe one of these days he’ll be able to show up with the Kyuubi. The reactions he’d see would be... amusing.)

He disregards the idea of her being religious, remembering living with her, standing by her side as the only two left, in his former universe. Wonders, for a moment, how she is without Hashirama or Touka or him to talk to. Of course, this is a different universe with different-but-the-same people. This Mito isn’t necessarily the same as the last- can’t be, without Hashirama to wear down her sharp lines and edges.

Yukiko twitches beside him, raising her head to stare out at the horizon. Both Mito and Tobirama pause to look as her, concerned. He dearly hopes this isn’t a sign of- _wait a moment._

He frowns and tries to reach his senses through Matatabi’s and Shukaku’s chakra again. He had caught a spark of something familiar but only for a second before the bijuus’ chakra covered it.

”Yukiko?” He asks tightly.

”I’ll be back soon,” she promises and takes off at a full out run, straight over the water. Tobirama turns, suspiciously, back to Mito. Her expression doesn’t twitch and his suspicions settle. This is definitely a trap. He’s so proud of the Uzukage. Maybe at this rate he’ll actually be able to teach them underhanded tactics! The current Uzukage is so strangely fair and moral.

”So Mito,” he says pleasantly. “Do you know anything about chakra leeches?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s short, I’m sorry! I’ve been distracted by the mxtx novels ;-;


	19. Chapter 19

The Uzumaki do not, unfortunately, have prior knowledge of any sort of living, probably sentient chakra leeches. They are, however, willing to share their knowledge in an attempt to figure out just what it is. He refused to let them take any of his blood or chakra, knowing what Uzumaki can do even with such a small edge like that. He may want to solve this problem but he’s not willing to give his second life or his freedom for it. Besides their seals, though, their labs are horribly lacking.

”Please remove your sand son from the room,” a shinobi says tiredly. As a non-Uzumaki, Tobirama can imagine the poor guy gets overwhelmed quite often by the Uzumaki crazy.

”He’s not my son,” Tobirama informs, helpfully leaving out that Shukaku is, in fact, older than both of them. The shinobi gives him an unimpressed look. When he glances at his so-called sand son, Shukaku just gives him wide, watery eyes. He turns back to the shinobi, arching a brow.

”I will cry on you,” the shinobi threatens and he really does look like he might cry.

”Shukaku, please go wait with Matatabi and Ayame.” Shukaku leaves with the most dejected face and Tobirama’s heart breaks. The shinobi looks pathetically relieved, though, so it balances out.

” _Thank you_ ,” he whispers. More loudly, “does the leech have any adverse affects beyond the obvious?”

”Not as far as I can tell, although it has proved unwilling to any removal attempts.”

”...unwilling?” Oh, this kid wasn’t told about it’s weird almost-sentience, was he?

”Unwilling,” Tobirama confirms. “Aggressive.” The shinobi stares at him for a long moment before groaning.

”I’m too sober for this.”

”At least you don’t have to live with it.”

”I would say I pity you,” the shinobi says dryly, “but that would be a scourge on my so far spotless lying record.” Tobirama wonders for a moment if he means that he never lies or that he never tells a bad lie before discarding it because he really doesn’t care after all. The shinobi rubs at his eyes with one hand.

”It doesn’t, I don’t know, talk to you or anything, right?” Tobirama hums thoughtfully.

”Like telling me to kill you?” He asks as an example. He realizes that this probably _isn’t_ the example to use but it’s too late to go back now. Anyway, the reaction is bound to be fun. The shinobi stares at him for a long moment.

”Well?” He demands after a moment. Tobirama arches a brow. “ _Kill me_.” Oh no.

”I wasn’t-“

”Do it, coward.” Tobirama is honestly sort of concerned for this man.

”...Do you need a drink?” He asks. Why can’t the shinobi be a child? Children are so much easier to console.

”Desperately,” the man informs, standing. “I would offer to bring you with me but you have children and children and alcohol are a bad combination.” And with that, the man leaves Tobirama alone. A bit of a stupid thing to do, considering he’s still a nuke nin and all, but whatever. He’s not complaining. He might leave a scroll on proper security protocol on the Uzukage’s desk, though.

Tobirama leaves the room, not very surprised to find Shukaku and Matatabi waiting for him. Ayame is laying flat out on the cool floor, Matatabi plastered to her side as she grooms the sand from her brother’s fur. Mito’s presence is marginally more unexpected, watching him with an unimpressed look.

”You may want to schedule therapy for the young shinobi that was just in here. He needs it.”

”I’ll keep that in mind,” she says. He knows she probably won’t but it’s a nice gesture anyways. Shukaku tugs at his sleeve and he absentmindedly hefts the bijuu-turned-boy up, resting his on his hip.

”Is there something you needed?” He asks.

”Can’t I want to talk to an old friend?” She asks. Tobirama gives her a flat look to which she smiles. It falls away after a moment, replaced by seriousness.

”The Uzukage wanted to speak with you,” she says.

”Alright,” he agrees. Not that he has much of a choice. Besides, he’ll have to meet with the Uzukage eventually if he wants to stay here for long. “Let’s go, shall we?”


	20. Chapter 20

Finding Yuki and Yukiko curled up together grooming each other outside the Uzukage’s office honestly isn’t terribly surprising. Mito pauses momentarily, eyeing the newly arrived Yuki and then eyeing him. He smiles innocently. Yukiko gets to her paws and Tobirama turns his attention back to his summons.

”Tobi-“ He may have a death wish since this is the _second_ time he’s reverse-summoned Yukiko mid-sentence but whatever. He has a feeling having his leopards about will make the coming meeting only more tense and volatile. Ahh, the cons of being a rogue shinobi running about causing chaos. Matatabi is insulted she no longer has a snow leopard to ride and, as punishment, climbs Tobirama to perch imperiously on his shoulders. Mito looks faintly concerned but only in a distant, sort of morbidly curious, way. Does Mito have children in this universe? The signs are pointing to no but you never know. Without Hashirama’s clingy family-goes-abou-everything (except peace, of course) attitude, Mito might have just stuck her kids with some poor, babysitting genin and called it a day.

...Tobirama hopes her and Hashirama’s kids still exist in this universe. He’d never tell the gremlins (or his brother) but he’s been missing them. He’s been missing his team as well, actually. Maybe for his next mission (after visiting his Wave children, who know he’s in the area and would definitely track him down and make him sit through the hellish torture that is dinner with civilian parents if he didn’t), he should kidnap his team from whatever poor sap(s) got stuck with them this time around.

”Well,” Mito says, turning primly back to the door. “Shall we?” Tobirama checks Shukaku, who’s dozing a bit, then Matatabi, who still looks disgruntled about no longer having a snow leopard escort. He sighs but nods. Putting this off isn’t going to help anyone, long or short term.

”I suppose we shall.” Mito nods firmly as if to solidify the agreement and swings the door open. Politely, of course. She steps inside and Tobirama follows suit without a word. The Uzukage is sitting at their desk, going through the motions of signing off on forms even though they all know their attention couldn’t be further. There are two jounin standing in the corners behind the Uzukage but he can’t see any sign of ANBU. Have ANBU not been implemented that? He’ll have to fix that. Once he’s dealt with this, of course. Maybe he’ll send a scroll back with another unfortunate genin... the idea has merit. In the middle of the room, demanding attention as usual, stands Uchiha Madara, looking like a particularly angry dracaena. He’s about as short as one as well.

”Uzukage-sama, Uchiha-sama.” Despite the veneer of politeness, Tobirama can sense the strong passive aggressive vibes when Mito greets Madara. This version of him probably hated Madara, going on what little he knows of his universe and the parallels he can draw to his own universe. He should probably fake some hatred.

”Uzukage-sama, Madara-kun,” he greets pleasantly. Madara chokes, the Uzukage and their guards stare blatantly, and even Mito twitches at his unexpected friendliness. He revels in the surprise and suspicion it draws, even when Matatabi’s clawed fingers dig warningly into his hair.

” _What_ the _fuck_?!” Madara screeches, smartly. He’s turning a rather alarming shade of red. Then, spluttering, he points at Shukaku, who offers up bleary confusion.

”The fuck is that?!” He hisses. Tobirama assumes it’s to cover up the man’s previous blunder but he still presses his lips flatly together, tightening his grip on Shukaku ever so slightly.

Dryly, “children.” Madara glares darkly and Tobirama shifts slightly, pulling up to his full height. Matatabi braces herself, a quiet growl escaping her. Madara huffs, collapsing into the chair behind him.

”Didn’t take you for the nurturing sort,” Madara says derisively. Tobirama bristles indignantly but the Uzukage speaks up before he can.

”Tobirama-san, Madara-san, please get along,” they say, eyes hard. “Tobirama-san has come to us with an issue that we believe solving would be beneficial and for that, he needs to stay in Uzushio. Once we have done all we can to suppress or fix the issue, we can talk about moving Tobirama-san to Konoha.” Madara snaps around to glare at the Uzukage.

”Are you implying Konohagakure doesn’t have the resources to deal with any issues _our_ nuke-nin might have-“ Tobirama cuts off Madara’s self-centered tirade with a scoff.

”That implies I’ll even let you. I can figure it out on my own if need be, neither of you have any claim to me and if you had the manpower to take me _prisoner_ , you would have already done so.” Shukaku presses tighter into his side, hands tightening where they are twisted into the fabric of his shirt. Mito shoots him a warning glance that he brushes off. Madara gives a frustrated snarl.

”You have _children_ -“

” _Do not_.” Madara twitches at the wave of KI, Shukaku makes a small noise and burrows his face into Tobirama’s side. Protective rage bubbles up inside of him, his chakra shifting restlessly in response. Matatabi pulling sharply at a lock of his hair, leaning over.

”The leech,” she hisses at him, voice too low for anyone but him to hear. He freezes mid-breath, KI cutting off as suddenly at it had begun, the other shinobi left reeling and on edge. The anger still burn, makes his next exhale tight with his restraint. He reaches and, in a flash of gold light and a burn that mean he wasted too much chakra on the hiraishin, he appears in the room that had been set up for him. He cannot sense it with both Shukaku and Matatabi so near, not to mention the way their emotions are making their chakra roil, but he assumes the shinobi that had been there will be on the move. The news will spread quickly, he doesn’t have time.

”Matatabi,” he says and he knows his voice is too sharp, has an edge from the anger, but he can’t help it. He can only hope she won’t hold it against him.

”I can lend you chakra,” she says without him having to explain. “So that we can get out of here after _that_ disastrous display, but you better not make a habit of it.”

”Thank you,” he says tersely, slapping a barrier seal on the wall for a little extra time. It won’t hold long, particularly not against Uzumaki, but they should have enough time. Hopefully. Dark, fiery chakra, drained carefully of most of it’s corrosiveness, burns through his chakra points. The pain, slight though it is, distracts him from the still smoldering anger.

”Better get us out of here in one piece, human,” Matatabi hisses, the defensiveness and distrust that had mostly left her firmly back in place. Tobirama doesn’t waste breath responding. He simply flings his senses as far out as they will go, straining this skill he hasn’t pushed the limits of in many, many years. He snakes the faintest, most distant hiraishin marker he can. The door rattles. He gathers his chakra, siphoning as much chakra as Matatabi will let him. The barrier seal cracks. He activates the jutsu just as the barrier shatters, the door with it. He disappears, his last look of Uzushio of an unfamiliar Uzumaki jounin and Madara, alight with something he has to fight the instinctual (artificial) anger to recognize as desperation.

He arrives in the Land of Rivers, twisting so Shukaku and Matatabi land on top of him when he crashes to the ground. His Wave students will have to wait, he thinks, and promptly looses consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (late) Halloween. Or Thanksgiving. Or Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday. Whichever this gets published closer to.
> 
> I really, really wanted this chapter to go along these lines but I had trouble writing it and I don’t think it turning out as well as it could have so- uh- sorry? The ending is... less than ideal, to me, and the whole thing felt off while I was writing it. Tell me what you think, I guess?


	21. Chapter 21

Madara’s plans to head straight to Uzushiogakure are stalled when he sees a snow leopard pelting full speed straight for him. This would be slightly less terrifying if it had been on solid ground instead of the middle of the fucking ocean. It‘s not even the same snow leopard that was stalking him earlier, considering this one is coming from farther out into the ocean instead of, you know, _the mainland_. A summons is the only rational answer. He slides back into a defensive position, swinging his gunbai around to brace for the coming collision.

It never comes.

The leopard passes by close enough for him to reach out and touch with nothing more than a short, assessing glance. Madara watches it for a moment, mystified, before deciding he shouldn’t test his impressively back luck and booking it towards Uzushio. Whatever is going on with the snow leopard summons, he doesn’t want a part of it. Who even _has_ snow leopard summons? He sort of doubts it’s the Uzumaki— they prefer carnage and chaos prone summons. More to the point, why does whoever-it-is keep sending the damn snow leopards to him?

He has to slow down when he gets closer to Uzushiogakure so that he can avoid the numerous whirlpools instead of being sucked in and drowned. That’s no way for such a brilliant shinobi to go. He ignores how close he is to getting sucked in several times and also how easily an Uzushio patrol skips around the whirlpools when they pass. He’s doing _fine_ , thank you very much.

”Madara-sama,” the chunin sent to pick him up greets at the entrance to the village. The girl eyes the puddle of water growing at his feet and then raises her brow at him. He studiously ignores her and silent blames the water on the mist that settles around Uzushio. It’s a bad excuse but no one can call him out on it if he doesn’t verbally use it. The streets of Uzushiogakure are chaotic in a manner he’s never known another place to be. The people of Uzushio never rest. Mito had been an outlier in her stillness but her manner had always reflected the restless thrum of her homeland. Madara wonders if Konoha is like that, the Senju and Uchiha clearly different but just as clearly sharing that selfsame core. He wonders if she will be when her people have been hers for a longer time.

There is an edge to the way Uzushio’s people interact with Konoha’s. A disconnect that Madara had caused. He isn’t generally the cause of any bad blood between Konoha and other villages but this... this had been his fault. His mistake, an honest mistake, but that’s no excuse, not in this line of work.

”Madara-sama,” The Uzukage greets politely when Madara has been led into his office.

”Yasumi-sama,” he returns, just as polite. He genuinely respects Uzumaki-Maebara Yasumi for a myriad of reasons, the most prominent being that they actually have the ability to control their psychotic little shinobi. He has never actually met another person beyond Yasumi and Mito capable of wrangling anyone of Uzumaki descent. Mito, he understands because the woman is the most terrifying Uzumaki around (she may not act it but don’t let her fool you, she causes just as much chaos as her kin) but Yasumi had married in and thus lacks (most of) the innate Uzumaki crazy. Madara doesn’t understand how they do it.

”Tobirama-kun will be here shortly,” Yasumi says. Madara doesn’t miss the familiar way they addressed the runaway Senju, nor does he miss the sharp look in their eye. No matter what has happened, Madara can’t imagine Yasumi will allow him to treat Tobirama as a missing-nin. Not that he had planned on it but it’s sort of nice to know that Tobirama had always had an ally in Uzushiogakure even if he had refused to return home to Konohagakure.

It takes all of his willpower not to flee when Mito enters the office, Tobirama at her side. The children attached to the albino probably help him keep his cool, even if they give Madara a bad vibe. They’re _children_ , there’s no way they could be contributing to how on edge he is. Mito's greeting is sharp, just this side of rude. Madara leaves it be because he deserves her distaste, deserves her hatred. Tobirama calling him Madara- _kun_ , however, is too much. Far, far too much.

His heart is a weak thing, you understand.

Admittedly, reacting with flailing and calling Tobirama’s random child a ‘ _that_ ’ is probably not his smartest idea but you can’t blame him. He was panicking! He’s still panicking! _Tobirama_ called him _Madara-kun_ , it is _totally reasonable_ to have a _heart attack_! He falls automatically into a glare at Tobirama’s dry comment, used to Izuna using a similar tone to poke fun at him, but lets it drop with a huff when he realizes it only sets Tobirama (and the girl perched on his shoulders) more on edge. This is already going sour and he hasn’t even _done_ anything!

”I didn’t take you for the nurturing sort,” he says, trying for curious, for apologetic. By Tobirama’s reaction, he misses the mark. He doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong, doesn’t know how to fix this. He turns desperate eyes on Mito but finds her confused, watching Tobirama almost warily. Madara doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but he doesn’t want to fight with Tobirama, even if the other is reaching for one. He has to try something else- a different angle- doing something that can’t be misconstrued as anger or hate or- or derision or anything.

The Uzukage steps in and while Madara is sure they don’t truly mean the slight in their words, the way they had implied Konoha couldn’t help Tobirama as well as Uzushio snaps his already frayed nerves. From there, any tenuous control he has over the situation is gone. They had somehow insulted Tobirama's ability to keep himself alive and out of trouble, the second half of which _doesn't exist_ , and now the wayward Senju is threatening to fight them which would be less concerning if two kids weren't at risk of getting caught in the middle. Of course, when Madara tries to voice this, Tobirama takes it as a threat and really, Madara wants to just go home and drown his sorrows in spiked tea.

In the end, he supposes he's more surprised at Tobirama's sudden disappearance than he should be. The entire situation has been clearly leading up to this. Madara still curses despite knowing this, his failure to diffuse the situation weighing like lead in his gut. When Mito takes off, he follows, hoping she has a better idea of where Tobirama might have gone. This is gonna be difficult.

_(He feels the chakra Tobirama gathers in his room, feels it mixed with chakra dark and cloying, feels the dread mount like lead in his stomach. The Uzumaki jounin with him undoes the seal just as he slams a chakra enforced shoulder into the door. He meets the Senju's eyes in the milliseconds before the man disappears. Madara tastes the failure like ash in his mouth.)_

It takes two hours of fruitless searching and a near panic attack after Tobirama teleports away from Uzushio for Mito to pin him down, trapping him in some room before Madara can take off to search the rest of the Elemental Nations the second time.

"You can't force him to forgive you," she says sharply. Madara flinches away from the words and the memories of fire and mokuton that they unfailingly dredge up. Sometimes, he thinks he can still feel the blood, sticky and thick, on his skin. He can't, of course, but try telling his stupid brain that.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Madara lies. Mito's completely unimpressed look is rude. Deserved, but still rude.

"Whether or not my husband's death was an accident or not or your fault or not, what matters here is that Tobirama blames you and no matter how much you bluster and yell, you can't just make that ingrained anger disappear," Mito says, her words sharp and cutting straight to the center of the matter, as always. Madara can understand why Hashirama had fallen for her, in a strange sort of way. He knows she's right- he finds that she almost always is when she decides to interfere -but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. He just wants to make it up to Tobirama. It'll never be enough, nothing is ever enough for taking away a family member, and he knows that Tobirama likely won't accept it. He just wants to stop feeling so guilty.

"I know," he says quietly. "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter was boring and/or weird, rewriting a scene from a different pov is strangely difficult.


	22. Chapter 22

Tobirama wakes up. More specifically, he wakes up unable to breathe. Due to lack of chakra, his reactions are all so horribly sluggish that he can't have the proper stab first, ask questions later response. This, he finds, is actually quite good because the reason he can’t breathe is that Matatabi is curled up as a cat on his face and Shukaku is curled up as a child on his chest. He has a feeling if he stabbed either of them, on purpose or not, it would not end well for him. Tobirama braces himself with his hands and takes the deepest breath he can manage. Then he sits up, sending both tumbling into his lap. He's honestly sort of surprised he didn't get any claws in his face. Matatabi snarls at him, shifting smoothly to her child form. Shukaku is blinking, tired and confused, up at him.

"Hello," he greets politely. Shukaku makes an inhuman noise that he thinks indicates happiness and throws his arms around Tobirama's waist, burrowing his face into Tobirama's stomach. He glances at Matatabi. Her expression has softened, fond as she watches her brother. Tobirama understands the feeling. The idea that something so, so good could love him, willing spend time with him. Matatabi meets his eyes and an understanding passes between them. For Shukaku, at least, they will get along.

"How long was I asleep?" He asks quietly, unwilling to disturb Shukaku, who he's fairly sure has fallen back asleep.

"Just two days. Shukaku insisted on giving you chakra," Matatabi explains, just as quiet. Tobirama hums. He glances around at his surroundings, aware his chakra sense is less helpful with two bijuu by his side.

"You moved me?" Matatabi huffs.

"Shinobi were getting curious," she explains flatly. "We couldn't move you far, though, if we wanted to stay in these forms." Tobirama blinks.

"You still have the same strength, don't you?" Matatabi, giving him a look, raises her arms as if that explains everything. It takes Tobirama a moment before he realizes that, yes, it does.

"A bit hard to lift someone three times your height," she adds, in case he didn't get it. Tobirama sighs. He stretches as best as he can without disturbing Shukaku. His admittedly quite dangerous stunt getting himself out of Uzushio had left him sore and tired. Of course, that might also be an effect of sleeping on the ground for two days. With Madara probably still in or around Uzushio, this is his best chance to visit Konoha without getting caught. He wants to see how these versions of his students are doing. And maybe kidnap them for a bit to teach them if he finds their sensei lacking. He refuses to even contemplate the idea that maybe they aren't on the same team. With a sigh, he gets carefully to his feet, cradling Shukaku to his chest. The bijuu shifts to bury his face into Tobirama's shirt but thankfully doesn't wake. Matatabi eyes him for a moment before huffing.

"Sentimentality," she says distastefully. Tobirama smiles at her.

"Sentimentality," he repeats. "Quite annoying, isn't it?" She sniffs haughtily, turning her nose up at him as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"I have no such weaknesses." He snorts at the predictable response. No matter what she says, he knows she loves Shukaku as much as he cares for the people of his former life. She can't fool him that easily. She sighs and stretches.

"You do, though, and I saw your face. To some stupid village then?" She asks, the distaste firmly back. Tobirama smiles and hums, crouching so Matatabi can clamber easily to her perch on his shoulders without disturbing Shukaku.

"To Konoha," he agrees. Matatabi huffs.

"Let's go, then." Tobirama hums again and takes off without further fanfare. If he goes at a steady pace, he should be able to get there rather quickly. By tomorrow afternoon, if they're really lagging. Of course, there's no reason for them to rush... he'll plan on arriving sometime tomorrow to accommodate for a decent amount of time for Shukaku to play like any kid his age should (ignoring, of course, that Shukaku isn't actually a kid his age).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'mma thinking about making a tumblr account for this account and was wondering if any of you would be interested? Also this message will probably be in the next chap as well because I added this post-publication, lol.


	23. Chapter 23

Being back in the familiar forests around Konoha is a relief that Tobirama hadn’t expected. It’s nice even if there’s the tension from the possibility of getting caught lying beneath it all. He avoids the patrols expertly, noting they use the same guard patterns as his original universe had used. Either his alternate self had stuck around for long enough to implement it or Touka, who had given him the idea for it in the first place, had managed to come up with patrol routes near enough that they look the same. Either choice is likely, he decides, and it’s not particularly important anyway.

”Hey look!” Shukaku says suddenly, twisting to poke his head more fully over Tobirama’s shoulder. “That human comes in miniature!”

“It means he’s not grown up yet,” Matatabi informs. “Like how you and I are children.”

”I don’t think I was ever that small,” Shukaku says in wonder, despite being the size of a small child at this very moment. Tobirama turns around, peering through the foliage towards where Shukaku had been looking. He ignores the bijuu squirming to face the same direction in his arms as he scans the forest floor. His eyes settle first on the adult- Uchiha Hikaku, he had been amiable with the man in his former universe. Hikaku is smart and is relatively sane in comparison to the other Uchiha. By his side, clearly bored and practicing with a pair of kunai, is...

Kagami. What luck they have.

”Good job,” Tobirama murmurs to Shukaku. “That kid’s one of the ones I’ve been looking for.” Shukaku beams up at him, proud to be of help.

”Why were you looking for him?” Matatabi asks curiously.

”Oh I knew an alternate version of him in my first universe,” he returns absently. Matatabi stares at him for long enough that he realizes what he just said. Is this bad? He feels like it should be bad.

”Please tell me you’re joking,” the Nibi says faintly. Should he go along with it and (hopefully) erase his mistake? ...Nah, it’ll be fine.

”Ask the snow leopards,” he says. “They know everything.” Matatabi laughs disbelievingly and quietly before collapsing on their tree branch and thumping back against the trunk. Tobirama shushes her and she’s still stunned enough not to snap back.

”I don’t think you can switch universes,” Shukaku says hesitantly. Tobirama pats his head.

”It _is_ possible, just not very likely,” Tobirama explains. “Yukiko, Yuki, and Akane can tell you more later.”

"Uh..." The three of them turn back to where Hikaku and Kagami had been only to find Kagami on a nearby branch, staring at them with wide eyes. "...Hello?" The boy says hesitantly. Shikaku grins from his place in Tobirama's arms.

"Hiya! Wanna be friends?"

"I uh," Kagami swallows, leaning away a bit. "I don't think I'm allowed." Shukaku activates his Cute Mode, eyes widening and watering as he clutches to Tobirama and his mouth pulls into a pout. Really pulls on your heartstrings. Tobirama decides to help the bijuu along a bit, staring at Kagami flatly, trying to silently ask if the boy is really going to contribute to Shukaku's breaking heart. Matatabi is still broken, muttering under her breath angrily, probably about Tobirama's big reveal. Kagami is saved from having to respond when Hikaku finally realizes what’s going on, exploding from the leaves to level his staff at Tobirama.

”Hello,” he says politely to the Uchiha. Hikaku hesitated for a moment.

”Why are you here, Tobirama?”

”I’m just passing through,” he lies, plastering the most innocent face he can manage on. Hikaku and Kagami both look wholly unimpressed. Tobirama is sort of insulted. Why must everyone always think the worst of him? Just because he’s lying _this_ time doesn’t mean he’s _always_ lying!

”With... two children?” Hikaku asks, flat and disbelieving.

”Yes.”

”Where did you _get_ the children?”

“They’re mine, I birthed them.” Tobirama has no idea what possessed him to answer Hikaku’s question like that and frankly, he’s a little concerned. Mostly about Matatabi, who still seems to be in a haze, but his own mental health is under consideration.

...

He considers it sound, moving on!

”Guys can’t give birth,” Kagami says factually. Tobirama nods at him.

”They can now,” he says. He doesn’t bother explaining.

”You know what?” Hikaku says faintly. “Just leave. I am not going to fight the mentally ill.” Tobirama glares at Hikaku, scooping up Kagami.

”I won’t stand this slander,” he hisses and takes off into the trees. He’s sort of surprised he made it out of that without having to fight Hikaku but he supposes even he must have lucky days.

”Wah- hey! That’s my apprentice! This is your daughter! Tobirama, get back here!” Tobirama ignores Hikaku and speeds up. Matatabi can take care of herself, He’s not sure Kagami has had the proper training to take care of himself. He initiated contact with an S-rank missing-nin, for crying out loud! Clearly, this Kagami needs a proper teacher.

And father.

Carrying on! He should really hunt down the other five, as well. If Kagami was on his own in an apprenticeship, who knows who the other five got saddled with. ...Hikaku is keeping up irritatingly well. Hiraishin, perhaps? There’s one relatively close by. He teleports without further hesitation.

”Hey Kagami, do you know Sarutobi Hiruzen?” He asks curiously.

”U-uh,” Kagami stutters articulately.

”Shimura Danzo, Akimichi Torifu, Mitokado Homura, Utatane Koharu? Any of these ringing a bell?” He presses. It wouldn’t do for _none_ of them to be friends. Why is he still running? Hikaku’s nowhere near. He comes to a stop, putting Kagami down carefully on the branch next to him so he can look the kid in the face. Kagami’s eyes are wide but not in the way they get when he’s scared, which is good. Or bad— who taught this kid survival instincts? They did a worse job than he did with his original universe’s Kagami, and that’s saying something.

”Um... Akimichi Torifu is the brother to the Akimichi heir?” Kagami offers hesitantly. “And Sarutobi Hiruzen is the Sarutobi heir...” Tobirama stares at him for a moment.

”...You know, you probably shouldn’t go around telling rogue nin Konoha’s information.” Kagami goes bright red at the admonition, looking studiously away.

”You _asked_ ,” he grumbles.

”Do you tell anyone that asks everything they want to know?” Tobirama asks. Kagami huffs, crossing his arms.

”I was being _polite_ , I’m sorry you don’t know what _manners_ are.” Tobirama exchanges a look with Shukaku. He’s not really sure the bijuu actually understands his exasperation but he pretends well enough so it works out.

”Kagami,” Tobirama says patiently, “what if I was asking because I was going to attack Konoha?” The Uchiha gives him the flattest, most unimpressed look. It’s more impressive than Madara’s which... he supposes makes sense if he’s been trained by Hikaku in Tobirama’s absence.

”Yes, because you were going to attack Konoha for five-“

”Six,” Tobirama corrects.

”-six children, half of which aren’t even, like, important or anything.” Kagami pauses, then makes a face. “Wait, six? I think I can count, you only mentioned five names.”

”You’re the sixth,” Tobirama informs. “I could hardly have an _unbalanced_ team, could I?”

”I...” Kagami looks so lost, it’s a bit concerning. He wonders if Matatabi is still broken. Considering she hasn’t tracked down and murdered him yet, he thinks yes. “Were you seriously gonna attack Konoha to kidnap a bunch of kids?” Tobirama smiles.

”No, but I was going to kidnap you. For a bit. Just a bit! I was going to return you.” Kagami stares at Tobirama. “...Eventually. Look, I hadn’t planned everything out yet, but I promise I was only going to temporarily... borrow... you.”

”Holy shit,” Kagami breaths. “I can’t believe I managed to get myself kidnapped by the one person stupider than Madara-sama.”

”Hey!” Shukaku says, affronted, the first he’s joined the conversation. “Tobi’s not stupid!”

”Thank you, Shukaku,” Tobirama interjects before the two can start arguing. “So Kagami, how do you feel about getting trained by rogue nin?”

”I don’t think that’s, um, allowed.”

”A shame, really,” Tobirama muses. “But not really an answer.”

”I, um, I guess I would like a team? But I don’t want to be rogue nin. Or threaten Konoha!” Kagami looks a bit panicked. “I promise I don’t know much about Konoha and I’m not going to help you break-in and- and-“ Ah, it looks like the brat does have _some_ common sense, although it kicked in a bit late.

”I’m not going to threaten Konoha- I like Konoha. I’ll leave a note with my cousin so that she can tell your Hokage not to worry,” Tobirama says, waving off Kagami’s burgeoning concerns. Also, he should really figure out which Uchiha brother is Hokage at some point, thinking of it as a nebulas being is bad for his shinobi-born suspicions. He should also really focus on the problem of the leech, given its emotion-controlling side effects where anger and hate are involved but no one has ever accused him of taking care of himself.

"So?" Tobirama pushes. "I'll even let you be the team leader." At least until Hiruzen grows into himself and the team and ends up naturally taking the position over.

"I... You know what? I don't have anything better to do. As long as you take the fall, I'm game."

"...Sage, children have no survival instincts," Tobirama mutters. "Alright, kid, time to go kidnap your new teammates." Kagami grins brightly.

"Sounds fun!"

* * *

”Hello! Remember how you- stop screaming, I’m not going to hurt you -remember how you asked if the leech had any adverse affects?”

”How did you get here? How did you know where I live?! _Why do you have more children?!_ ”

”I walked, I’m a shinobi, and this is my new team.”

”...I need a drink. What did you do with the girl? The blue one?”

”...Shit. Shukaku, we forgot your sister in Konoha.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not at all follow the plan I had in my head but my god was it fun. Although Tobirama was acting weird. I blame any ooc-ness on the fact that I was dying of covid during most of the writing process of this chapter.
> 
> Tumblr account: should I make one for my ao3? I was thinking about it but I am an indecisive potato and I figured you guys would know best if you would want to interact with me outside of just comments.
> 
> Sorry for my month-long silence or however long it was, I was part of the pandemic, and then I was stuck.


	24. Chapter 24

"Why are you- don't touch that, I don't want to clean your insides from the floor -why are you still here?" The young shinobi yanks Hiruzen back by the collar, tossing him into Kagami to stop both of them from messing around. "Why aren't you go collecting the Forgotten Child?" Tobirama smiles over the top of his cup of coffee, shifting as Shukaku wobbles dangerously on his lap in the throws of sleep.

"Matatabi can take care of herself. Anyway, I trust Konoha not to do anything overwhelmingly stupid." The shinobi snorts- Tobirama really aught to learn his name -shaking his head in disgust.

"I wouldn't count on it. God, I don't know why we even have a treaty with those crazy assholes." The boy pauses before shooting a glare at Tobirama. "Also, it takes you- what? A week? To get from Konoha to Uzushio and you want me to believe that you managed to overlook an entire child that long? Or that you were in Konoha at all, considering how recent your first visit was? Your story has a lot of holes-"

"Teleportation," Tobirama interrupts, catching Danzo at the kid tries to sneak away. He doesn't need an international issue on his hands, thank you. He learned long ago not to trust Danzo and his extremely dangerous and stupid plans.

"I'm sorry, what?" The shinobi asks flatly, tripping up Kagami and sending a dark glare at Hiruzen when the boy looks like he's going to start inching his way back over to the incomplete inverting seal. At least the other three are behaving. They're the intelligent ones and that makes them so much harder to contain.

"Teleportation," Tobirama repeats. "A jutsu I invented called the Hiraishin allows me to teleport. How else do you think I managed to escape Uzushio with the entire village shut down? Anyway, I didn't come back for you to interrogate me on my bad life choices." The shinobi groans.

"I really need a drink for this..." He sighs, smacking a seal on Hiruzen that immediately reacts, binding him to Kagami. Tobirama could really use that, actually- he'll have to steal one when he leaves. "Alright, you mentioned something about adverse effects earlier before you raided my kitchen for your gremlins and sand son?" Tobirama arches a brow at the nicknames but the shinobi resolutely ignores him and his silent question. Maybe he should steal all his coffee as recompense-

"Are you more... wild than usual?" The shinobi asks warily, pushing the squirming Sarutobi-Uchiha bundle farther away. Tobirama blinks, refocusing on his conversation partner.

"Perhaps. The meeting with Madara seemed to have made it more active. It's... screwing with my emotions."

"Wait so- this doesn't make sense. Why would you come back to tell me all the way at Uzushio when you can't even be sure you can trust me?"

"Well, you're the only scientist I have access to and I had to come up this way anyway before my Wave team decides to hunt me down."

”Your- nevermind, not important.” The shinobi rubs at his eyes. “Alright, so, what do you want me to do about it?”

”Help me to get rid of the leech. Then I’ll never bother you again.” The shinobi eyes him suspiciously.

"Never?"

"Never," Tobirama promises like the liar he is.

"Well, with an offer like that... guess I _have_ to help you."

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be added whenever I have an idea for this and the chapters themselves will probably be on the shorter end of the spectrum.


End file.
